Sunday, August 25, 2019
The World according to Air
The Heavens were created first to be home to Light. The oceans came afterwards, being formed out of the darkness which had been separated from the Light earlier. Then the land arose. Finally, after living creatures arose, the Sun was born. However, not all Air Elementals think of the Air as the center of the world, or the most important part. Air Elementals are well-traveled and cultured individuals, fully aware of the immense diversity beneath them. So while most believe that Air came befor all the other Elementals, most Air Elementals do not personally believe that Air is inherently superior to the other Elements. However, many hold grudges against the Courts of Water for their crimes against the Courts of Air.
Long ago, the Air Elementals were unified in one Court. But shortly after the Beginning, the Cloud War started when the First Emperor of the, then unified, Court of Water invaded the Air by sending clouds up into the air. However, despite the enormous resources of the Water Elementals, the First Empress knew that her forces were still outnumbered and fighting on hostile turf. So she organized and led an attack on the Sky-Supreme, the King of all Air Elementals and undisputed Sovereign over the Court of Air.
Her attack was a stunning and decisive success as her forces rapidly overran and seized the Sky-Supreme's palace. The Sky-Supreme is believed to have perished in the fighting, though how he died varies from account to account. Some say he shed his royal rainment and fought alongside his soldiers until he was slain by a common Cirrus Servant. Others insist that he dueled the Water Empress in a desperate, noble struggle to save the lives of his courtiers, or that he purposely allowed himself to be killed. The version you hear is likely going to be highly dependent on who is telling you it. Air Elementals sympathetic to the cause of organization and central authority tend to tell versions that are more flattering and those opposed to such measures tend to do the opposite.
Regardless of what account, the facts are this. The Sky-Supreme died and central authority broke down. The Air Elementals fractured into countless independent Courts, all vying for power over each other and freedom from the same. There have been attempts to unify the Sky, but they have all failed so far.
Too many Courts
There are a countless number of Courts all claiming to be the legitimate Court of Air at any given of time. Each of these Courts claims to be the true one and that all others are rebels or traitors. These Courts feud and war among each other, some seeking to dominate and rule if not the whole sky, then as much as they can hold. Others merely seek to preserve their independence against other Courts.
Because of this, I will not be presenting not a Court or Courts, but tools on how to create your own court. But before I do that, let us meet the players in this little production.
Base Air Elemental
HD X AC Y Atk Varies
Mor 6 (+1 per other Ally there) Saves (5+HD) or less is a success
Elemental: Elementals are alive, but not in the way that you are. They do have bodily needs that must be addressed, but not in the way that you are. In this case, Air Elementals need to stay in contact with the air. If they are in a place where Air is mostly stagnant, Air Elementals grow sluggish, as if sleep-deprived or drunk. Additionally, if forced into a vacuum, an Air Elemental will take 1d6 damage a round until it manages to free itself.
Free Fall: Air Elementals do not take fall damage.
Flight: Air Elementals can fly at the speed the wind is moving. If they are in a cave or at sea level, they can only levitate at reasonably fast speeds, unless it is a rather blustery day. But high above, in the sky, they can zip around and fly like birds.
- They vary, see below
Invisible Servants are Air Elementals with skinny bodies made of a delicate, crystalline substance. They are clear as glass and often invisible, especially in certain conditions. Unless the light hits them from the right angle, they can't be seen. These are the creatures who so often patrol the palaces of the Gas Nobles or the petty Kings of the upper air, often adorning themselves with ribbons of smoke or garlands of perfume so their employers don't have to worry about walking into them.
Invisible Servants are abnegating, humble creatures who gratefully and eagerly serve. They are very much aware of their own weakness and seek the protection of greater beings. And of course, like all Air Elementals, they do not snobbishly believe that it is only appropriate to associate with other Elementals. Invisible Servants prefer to serve higher ranked Air Elementals, but they will also serve Dragons, powerful Wizards, Cloud or Storm Giants, or other mighty creatures with a taste for high altitude air.
AC: 10 (when visible), 14 (when invisible)
Saves: 8 or less is a success
Atk: (+0) Fist 1d4
Partial Invisibility: Each round, based on how they move, Invisible Servants have a 4-in-6 chance of being invisible.
- Avoid fighting at all costs
- Hide if you can
- Ambush, then run away
Every war needs soldiers to fight it. And make no mistake, the Courts of Air are at war. This has led to a proliferation of common soldiers, Elementals with minimal martial skill and training in how to use their powers. These conscripts occupy the Courts of many would be leaders among the Air Elementals, fighting guerilla wars against the more organized and more powerful, but far less numerous, Water Elementals. These are not the primary opponents of the Courts of Air, however. Attacking Water Elementals is often risky and always dangerous, as Water Elementals generally have much more training and experience.
No, the much more common target of the Air Elementals is other Air Courts. These are the most common opponents of the Airy Aristocracy, who are as incestuous as they are vitriolic, engaging in endless intercine warfare. But why, an outsider mught ask. The sky is largely empty, there are no riches and little territory that can be gained, so what could they possibly be fighting over? Well, to put it simply, the Nobles of the Courts of Air fight for many reasons that mortals do: love, revenge, power, glory and etc. However, they mainly fight over the most precious resource imaginable. Other Elementals.
While no one exactly knows how Elementals are created, except for the Elementals themselves, of course, one thing that is known by all in the Upper Air is that Air Elementals are constantly fighting each other over control of each other. During an Air Elemental attack, the focus is not on taking territory, but on kidnapping certain enemy Elementals and bringing them back, alive. The reasons for why some are taken while others are not has never been explained to mortals, but it is a fact that can be observed.
Such is the fate of the Wind Warrior. They are either captured and passed around from Aristocrat to Aristocrat, or they are slain in one of countless circular battles against another Air Court, or squashed in their first encounter with the Court of Water's veterans. Pity them, for they are creatures without any chance of salvation.
Saves: 8 or less is a success
Atk: (+1) Glass Javelin 1d6
Javelin Return: Wind Warriors can throw their javelins, then use their innate magic to return the javelins back to their hands, assuming the Javelin wasn't caught or broken by someone. Not all Wind Warriors know that they can do this.
Safety in Numbers: Wind Warriors never travel alone. They are always accompanied by 1d6+2 others of their own kind or an equivalent amount of HD equal to 1d6+2 Wind Warriors.
Variable Training: All Wind Warriors have received some training to prepare them for battle, on top of what experience they may or may not have. Assume all the Wind Warriors in a group all have the same amount of training. To see how much training they may have had or what experience they may or may not have, roll on the table below.
1- Conscript. This Wind Warrior is a complete novice. He can barely hold his weapon properly, and stands no chance of using it. A group of Wind Warriors like this will mob the first person they see and gang up on him in a disorganized mob.
2- Raw Recruit. This Wind Warrior has been trained, but he lacks any experience. If attacked, he will link up with other Elementals and form a wall of spears, a tortoise or some other formation.
3- Damaged. This Wind Warrior has tasted real battle and he snapped under the pressure. These Wind Warriors avoid fighting if possible, but when forced to, attack in great, screaming bands as Conscripts.
4- Hardened. This Wind Warrior knows his way around a battle field, at least a little bit. He will link up with his fellows and try to build a formation, then use that formation as a wedge to drive apart the enemy, separating them from each other.
5- Veteran. This Wind Warrior knows a few tricks of the trade. He has figured out how his javelin works and has mastered the innate magic of the Air Elementals. He will throw javelins and avoid melee combat, if possible. He also knows how to retreat in a non-disorganized fashion.
6- Crack. This Wind Warrior knows about the javelins and about his own relative frailty. These Wind Warriors avoid straight fights at all costs, instead relying on sneak attacks, ambushes and lightning raids. They will stalk you for days, constantly harassing you to prevent you from resting, before striking when you are at your most vulnerable.
- See 'Variable Training' Table
War is not a science, but an art, and art requires an artist to create it. The Courts of Air recognized this long ago, back when there was only one Court, and thus the Sky-Supreme created the office of Sky Sword. The Sky Swords were once the flower of his army, a noble class of warriors in and of themselves. However, the Sky-Supreme would not live to see his Sky Swords proudest moments, nor their disgraceful fall.
The ideal of the Sky Sword is a noble warrior, a creature of blood and iron while at war, but meek and gentle while at home. Sadly, this is an ideal that few of them have ever reached, even among those of their class who aspire to such an ideal. Many Sky Swords are mere brutes, barbarians who possess all the strength of a monster, but with none of the gentleness needed to temper it. These Sky Swords usually serve whatever master provides them the most glory or honors. Some Sky Swords have fallen even further than this, working for coin or seizing power for themselves. These latter types are renegades of the highest order, and all decent Air Elementals avoid them for the savages and cutthroats that they are.
These categories describe most Sky Swords, these Elementals either being noble warriors sworn to a Master or brutes bound in obedience to their appetites, but some choose a different path. These Sky Swords instead wander from place to place, traveling knight-errants, seeking their own ends, whether those be justice, revenge, or something higher. Many of these wanderers are looking for the Sky-Supreme, or his heir, depending on how cynical they are. It is believed that once the rightful heir is discovered, the skies will be united once again and order will return to the Upper Air. And while such a goal is noble in itself, actually completing it might be an impossibility.
Saves: 10 or less is a success
Atk: (+3) Sword 1d8/1d8
Sword Style: Sky Swords are all trained to use the sword, but there is great diversity among the types of sword schools they follow. To see which style a Sky Sword practices, roll on the table below.
1- Red Dance. A sword school based on reading your opponent's movements and countering them before your opponent can attack. Once per round, if a creature makes a melee attack against the Sky Sword, the Sky Sword may instead make a melee attack against him. If the Sky Sword does damage to the creature, cancel the attack the creature made against the Sky Sword and treat it as if it did not hit.
2- Iron Wall. Iron Wall is a defensive school based on defending oneself from attacks. Per round, the Sky Sword may reduce the damage of any melee or ranged attacks that could be deflected with a sword by 2d8, divided as it chooses among the attacks taken. Also note that even if a mortal couldn't stop certain things with a sword, such as an arrow, a Sky Sword could.
3- Song of Silk and Steel. This is a school that was either stolen from or taught to the Handsome Men. Either way, it is about being as lethal and elegant as possible. A Sky Sword trained in this style always gets the first attack, assuming none of his opponents attack from surprise or have some ability that enhances their speed.
4- Capasi. This is a sword school based on doing large amounts of damage then fleeing. This Sky Sword may immediately upon damaging someone, take an additional action, as long as that action is to run away from the person he just hit.
5- Skullcruncher. A surprisingly beautiful school meant to be more intimidating than murderous. This Sky Sword, upon damaging someone, may force them to save. If that creature fails his save, he becomes scared of the Sky Sword for one round, and will avoid melee combat with it.
6- The Principle Art of Cutting. A killing school. Upon failing to complete an attack against someone, the Sky Sword may choose to not damage them directly, but instead cut through their shield, armor or weapon. The Sky Sword's blade can cut through anything non-magical, indestructible or super-hard.
- Attack the strongest person
- Cut them to pieces
- Flee if all hope of victory is lost
A Wind Warrior is an infinitely useful thing to have. They can protect, defend, escort and even fight. Best of all, having a few dozen of them reflects great strength among the Airy Aristocracy. For while any fool can have a few Invisible Servants, a platoon of Wind Warriors is a true status symbol. Even more than Sky Swords, which are much more expensive and demanding of attention, the common Wind Warrior is the true key to building and maintaing a Court. For any Court requires constant displays of strength and wealth to maintain itself and this goes double for a Court of flighty, Elemental bastards.
But sometimes, you don't need strength, or politics or even lies. Sometimes you just need someone to die. Enter the Carbon Commandos. This is the purpose of the Carbon Commandos. They are assigned to an ancient office, originally headed by the Sky-Supreme's Master of Assassins, the greatest killer in the universe, or so it was said. The Master of Assassins was originally there, in the Beginning, and once the Cloud war began took an active role in the conflict. He is said to have escaped the palace after the Deluvian Emperor's assault and continued a guerilla campaign against the forces of the Court of Water for over a hundred years. What happened to him after that is a matter of fierce debate and occasional propaganda campaigns.
Regardless, the Master of Assassins did manage to leave behind one enduring legacy. His Carbon Commandos are crack troops, miniature versions of their Master, skilled in infiltration, espionage and cold-blooded murder. Carbon Commandos are difficult to recruit, expensive to maintain and surprisingly finicky on who they will actually target. They are mostly ideological puritans, refusing to carry out any order they feel would be against their "Father"'s wishes. The fact that they are also ludicrously dangerous on top of being puritanical is usually no condolence to any employer, as the fact that the Commandos are so skilled means that their employers have to put up with their eccentricities. Still, for most who see their results, it's almost always worth it. Almost.
Saves: 10 or less is a success
Atk: (+2) Crossbow 1d10 or (+4) Long Knife 1d6/1d6
Stealth Mode: Carbon Commandos can cloak themselves, giving themselves a +4 bonus to stealth. This renders them nearly invisible, transforming them into shifting smudges on your field of vision. From a distance or at night, they are almost invisible. Up close or in bright light, they are easier to notice.
Killing Fog: Carbon Commandos can, as a full action, release clouds of smoke. These clouds of smoke obscure vision, as per normal smoke, but the clouds they produce are also heavier than air and unbreathable. Any creature inside one of the Commandos' clouds takes 1d6 STR damage a round until they leave it, after which the STR slowly reverts back to its normal number at a rate of 1 point per minute. If the amount of STR damage taken ever equals or exceeds the creature's STR score, the creature passes out and begins dying. Carbon Commandos are immune to the effects of this cloud, of course.
- Sneak up if possible
- Attack swiftly, with overwhelming force
- Focus fire on the most dangerous targets
- Use 'Killing Fog' to escape and weaken melee opponents
Methane Ministers are orphans, those who have lost the most prestige, the ones who have lost their sacred charge. Once entrusted to manage and coordinate Air Elementals all across the world, they have been reduced to mere thinkers, sitting alone and philosophizing from the ruins of their strongholds or being snatched up by brutish raiders and put to work at far less prominent positions. Now they are accountants and wise men for those who can capture or afford them, using their vast knowledge and skill with numbers and figures to make brilliant connections.
Do they resent this state of affairs? Yes, absolutely. Some Methane Ministers attempt to escape, or take power for themselves. Many a small Court is ruled by a Methane Minister doing their best impression of a brutal Sky Sword or mad Gas Noble. Yet despite their impressive abilities, Methane Ministers usually lack the killer instinct necessary to be great warriors, as well as the charisma to be leaders. For this reason, they usually end up in the service of others, or more rarely, on their own.
Saves: 9 or less is a success
Atk: (+1) Feather Blade 1d6
Flammable: Methane Ministers are flammable. If they take any fire damage, they burst into flames and continue burning until they take an action to extinguish the fire. For this reason, Methane Ministers usually carry anti-fire substances with them.
Writ of Power: All Methane Ministers have the power to implement atmospheric changes. However, due to the fragmentation of the central bureaucracy, their powers are limited and odder than they otherwise would be. To see what Writs the Methane Minister carries, roll on the table below.
1- Writ of Combustion. Once every 1d4 rounds, the Methane Minister may breathe a 30' cone of fire that does 3d6 damage, save for half.
2- Writ of Decomposition. Once per round, the Methane Minister may target 1 creature below its maximum HP. That creature's tissues start dying and falling off. This does 1d6 DEX damage a round. If this damage equals or exceeds a creature's DEX score, the creature dies and melts into a puddle of bubbling, flammable flesh.
3- Writ of Solidification. The Methane Minister can create walls of a thick, rubbery substance as an action. These walls can be created around creatures or objects, trapping or encasing them. This does no direct damage.
4- Writ of Explosion. Once every 1d6 rounds, the Methane Minister can fire a blast that explodes, dealing 4d6 explosion damage, save for half, to everything within 50' of the explosion.
- Rely on others to protect you
- Use your Writ if you must
- Run from anyone who might threaten you
peter mohr bacher
Gas Nobles are the aristocratic class of the Air Elementals. The oldest of their kind once served the Sky-Supreme personally, while others have to manage with stories of his glory. Regardless, among the Air Elementals, they are the proudest and noblest, carried by zephyrs or on the wings of eagles, their delicate, humanoid beautiful to behold. Their flesh fluctuates between being as hard as crystal or as insubstantial as smoke. Regardless of what form they take, they are beautiful and alien, especially when the sunlight strikes them, transforming them into the clouds of sunset or sunrise, or making their solid flesh glitter like crystal.
Gas Nobles are generally proud creatures, prone to hubris. Many of them believe that they, of all their kind, will be the one to bring order to the sky and become the Master of Gales. And while this stubbornness can and does lead the Gas Nobles into many terrible situations, it also attracts followers. Confidence is key, and who has more confidence than someone who earnestly believes they are completely flawless? For this reason, Wherever Gas Nobles go, they are attended by lesser Elementals, mortal slaves or other, stranger creatures.
Saves: 11 or less is a success
Atk: (+2) Claw 1d6/1d6
Insubstantial: As an action, Gas Nobles can transform into clouds of smoke. In this form, they cannot be harmed by anything that could not harm a cloud, but cannot harm anyone else.
Noble Inheritance: All Gas Nobles have a certain special power based on their lineage. To determine what a Noble's inheritance is, roll on the table below.
1- Floating Curse. One creature the Gas Noble touches begins to swell up and become lighter. They begin floating and if not tied or held down, they will float up and away. The Gas Noble may only curse one person at a time. The Gas Noble may also reverse this curse at will.
2- Glowing Curse. One creature the Gas Noble touches begins to glow as a torch. This glow is constant and permanent. It also permanently reduces AC by 1d4, unless the creature is wearing heavy armor.
3- Sleeping Venom. Any creature damaged by the Gas Noble takes 1d6 CON damage. If the amount of COM damage they've taken ever equals or exceeds their CON score, that creature falls asleep. Breathing in the Gas Noble's cloud form also does this, but it only does 1 CON damage in that case.
4- Bulletproof Body. The Gas Noble can cover parts of his body in a hard shell. This makes his fists do 1d8 blunt damage on a hit.
5- Laser Eyes. The Gas Noble may make two Eye Laser attacks instead of his normal claw attacks. Each laser attack does 2d6 fire damage, save for half. The Gas Noble must target two different targets, one for each of his lasers.
6- Invisible Flay. The Gas Noble's touch causes anyone to take an additional 1d6 energy damage and for bits of their flesh to begin melting off. If the amount of additional energy damage any creature takes equals or exceeds his CON score but the creature is still alive, he is stricken with cancer and will need medical attention, or he will slowly wither and die over a period of weeks or months.
- Avoid active confrontation if possible
- Attack from range, if possible
- If impossible, separate someone from a group and fight them
Build your Own Court
There are too many Courts of Air to detail them all, so instead, you can make and customize your own by rolling on the tables below.
Who rules this Court?
1- An insane, paranoid Gas Noble. This Gas Noble fears for his safety, seeing rivals and enemies everywhere. There is a 25% the Gas Noble has actually stumbled upon an actual conspiracy, otherwise it is just his madness. Nothing you say that contradicts his delusion will be heard and is likely to get you thrown in a dungeon, or off whatever clump of solid substance the Gas Noble has built his Court on.
2- A violent, blood thirsty Gas Noble. This Gas Noble is getting ready to declare war on anyone and everyone. He is a brilliant warrior and has a 50% of being a good tactician. Either way, he keeps his men in line through a combination of blood curdling threats and promises of booty upon their victory. He will react badly to any challenge to his authority. Not as dumb as he looks.
3- A genteel and merciful Gas Noble. This Gas Noble is sophisticated, aloof and condescending. He is nice, but in a patronizing way. He is very impressed you seem to be wearing clothes and can do more than brain other mortals with rocks. He regales his servants with tales of the glory days of the Court of Air and apes the ancient ceremonies they once performed. A good leader, but has no idea how to solve the problems of his current age.
4- A ruthless and highly competent Gas Noble. This Gas Noble is shrewd, politically savvy and cool-headed. He is well aware of the problems he faces and has some very good plans on how to solve them. Is not above using mortals to fill the gaps that Elementals cannot.
5- A Sky Sword who has taken power through force of arms. He's not much for ceremony or tradition, but he is charismatic and strong, and for some, nothing else matters. The Sky Sword is a strongman, ruling through sheer willpower. He knows the basics of leadership, but doesn't really have any plan or ideology of his own. He maintains power through an image of invulnerability and supreme martial skill.
6- A Methane Minister with astounding persuasion and rhetorical skills. The Methane Minister has somehow convinced everyone else that their previous leader was no good, then arranged so that they would be 'offered' the crown, which he "reluctantly" accepted. The Methane Minister is a master manipulator, always presenting himself as a victim or as non-threatening as possible. Has a plan. A really good one.
How many Wind Warriors does he have?
How many elite soldiers does he have?
2- None, but he has mortal assistance.
3- A few, 1d6 Sky Swords.
4- A small number 1d4+1 Team of Carbon Commandos.
5- 1d10 Sky Swords.
6- 1d20 Sky Swords, + a 1d8+1 Carbon Commandos.
Does he keep any other staff?
1- No, it is just him, his soldiers and 1d20 Invisible Servants.
2- Yes, He has a Methane Minister to keep his sums.
3- Yes, he has a pet Gas Noble who he keeps around for his own purposes.
4- Yes, he has mortals who also attend his Court, relying on his protection.
What is this Court's relation to its' closest neighbor?
1- Friendly. The two Courts have a good relationship and if one was in danger, the other would come to aid them. Probably.
2- Peaceful. The Court is currently in relationship with its neighbors. They don't trust each other, but they are not actively fighting or planning on fighting each other.
3- Suspicious. The Court is currently suspicious of one of its neighbors. They are planning on the attacking the Court, so everyone is walking on eggshells, waiting for an attack that is sure to happen one of these days.
4- Belligerent. The Court is trying to provoke its neighbors into attacking, for some reason. Maybe they have a plan.
5- Antagonistic. The Court is bullying its neighbors, demanding they give it things or face the consequences.
6- At War. The Court is currently fighting its closest neighbor.
Monday, August 19, 2019
The Culinary Wizard
Culinary magic is a field of magic that either begins with the Wood Giants or the Handsome Men. It is the weaving of magic into food preparation, to create impossible dishes and fantastical foods. If you ever wondered who was crazy enough to try and saute dragon's meat or make a dessert out of a black pudding, it's these guys.
Culinary Wizards are an ancient, technically Outsider school of magic. However, due to their ubiquity and fame among the aristocracy, they are a de facto Chartered Wizarding Order, given a lot of leeway by the local authorities, unless they're doing something completely egregious.
The actual Culinary Wizard order is organized flatly. There is no centralization, rather Culinary Wizards are known to travel far and wide, either seeking out noble patrons to serve or wandering far and wide in search of rare cuisines and ingredients to prepare dishes with. The world of flavor is vast and who knows what delicacies wait to be discovered. The former type of Culinary Wizard generally share this sentiment, but simply believe that the best way to advance the field of cooking is in the kitchen and not out on safari. They instead allow their noble patrons to bring them rare ingredients and fund their research, in exchange for mind-bogglingly good cuisine.
That being said, while Culinary Wizards do not have a central organization they all owe obedience to, they do have hierarchy. Since many Culinary Wizards travel far and wide, they tend to pick up apprentices where they are and train them as they travel or research, schooling the youngsters in cooking and magic. To be selected by a Culinary Wizard is a high-honor and the competitions to earn the Wizard's favor can be brutal. Additionally, once the training period is finished, the Culinary Wizard will generally maintain obedience to their former teacher, or at least a sense of duty to obey them. Thus, their are many small, tight-knit units of Culinary Wizards scattered across the world.
As a Culinary Wizard, you are probably part of one of these networks. You may decide or roll on the tables below to see what your connection to the rest of your Order is.
My Teacher was...
1- My Father, who was also a Culinary Wizard.
2- An impoverished Culinary Wizard who only trained me to pay his debts.
3- A prodigy who had mastered several types of cooking and more magic than you can shake a stick at.
4- An ancient master who has forgotten more about cooking than you or I will ever know.
5- A normal chef who didn't have a drop of magic to his name. How my cooking ended up being imbued with magic, I'll never know.
6- a Handsome Man.
My relationship to them is currently...
1- We parted on bad terms. If I need his help, it's going to take quite a bit of groveling and maybe an apology to get it.
2- He got jealous of me. I was better than him, so he threw me out.
3- He never believed in me. He told me I had no talent, so I left. I'm going to prove him wrong.
4- We work together. I am currently on a quest to help my former Teacher. I told him if there was anything he needed, I would do it, and now I am.
5- I owe him everything. That man was like a father to me. I will do whatever it takes to help him.
6- Incomplete, as my Master is dead. He was killed and I am currently looking for his killer, to take revenge and ensure my master can rest in peace.
from Shokugeki no Souma
Playing as One
The following is a sub-class for my base Wizard class. For more information on the general class, check it out here. For information relative to this sub-class, see below.
Power: If you cook a meal for someone, you can recover some spellcasting dice. The amount of dice you recover depends on the complexity of the meal. If it's a a rat roasted over an open flame, 1 dice. If it is a five course meal made from the finest ingredients in the world and served on fine ceramics, 1d20 dice, up to your maximum. Referee's discretion applies, of course.
Drawback: If you eat uncooked or raw meat, you cannot regain any spellcasting dice until you perform ablutions and prepare a meal of cooked meat for someone else.
Culinary Wizard Starting Spell List:
1- Animate Food
2- Bad Taste in their mouth
3- Chef's Intention
4- Chocolate Coat
5- Edible Arms
6- Enchant Food
7- Flour Puff
9- Hex Food
10- Palative Panoply
11- Magically Delicious
12- Sugar Splash
13- Bone Meal
14- Diet Bomb
15- Food Poisoning
16- Supersize Me
Legendary Spell: Devil's Food, Food of Life
R: touch T: [dice] pieces of food D: [dice] hours
[dice] pieces of food come to life as creatures under the caster's control. They gain a means of locomotion, the ability to manipulate objects, though this may be limited based on the food's size and initial properties, and the ability to speak one language the caster knows. They are as intelligent as the caster is, but totally loyal to the caster and will obey any order the caster gives them. They will also have a personality similar to the caster, with their 'parent's' eccentricities. For purposes of HP, the caster should distribute [sum] HP among all the pieces of food they are animating. Each piece of food must have at least 1 HP. The food remains animate for [dice] hours or until it is killed. If this spell is cast with four or more [dice], the food golems will persist indefinitely until killed.
Bad Taste in their mouth
R: 30' T: [dice] creatures D: [dice] rounds
[dice] creatures within range suddenly taste the worst flavor possible, the sensation flooding their mouths. They must save each round for the duration. If anyone fail his save, he loses his action and spends it vomiting as his body instinctively rejects the awful taste.
R: touch T: a dish D: [dice] days
By touching a dish of food, you may encode a secret message in the food that is up to [dice]+[sum] words long. Anyone who eats that dish will hear your message played to them.
R: 30' T: all in the cone D: one action
You fire a wave of molten fudge in a 30' cone. All who are struck by it must save. Those who pass their saves are partially trapped in the rapidly hardening fudge, but must still spend a round freeing themselves. Until they are freed, they cannot move and may not be able to take other actions, Referee's Discretion. Those who fail their save, on the other hand, are totally encased in fudge and cannot move. Additionally, if left trapped for too long, they will begin suffocating.
R: touch T: [dice] pieces of food D: one action
[dice] pieces of food are transformed into usable weapons. These weapons do 1d6 damage and are still edible.
Additionally, for each [dice] past 1, select one option from below:
- Your food weapons count as magical for purposes of damaging certain creatures
- Your food weapons do +1d6 damage on a hit. This option may be selected more than once. This bonus damage is not added until after the hit is confirmed and does not count as part of your attack roll.
- Your food weapons glow in the presence of enemies or those who mean to do you harm.
- Your food weapons, if eaten, restore 1d6+[dice] HP.
The food weapons remain until broken or eaten.
R: touch T: [dice] servings of food D: [dice] hours
You enchant up to [dice] servings of food. For every [dice], select one of the effects below and apply it to the food. Anyone who eats the food receives all the beneficial effects, but they must eat the whole serving. Additionally, any serving of food that is enchanted becomes incredibly delicious.
Anyone who eats this food:
- Regains +[sum] HP.
- Gains a +[dice] bonus to AC as long as they are at max HP for [dice] hours
- Gains a +[dice] bonus to their senses for [dice] hours
- Can communicate telepathically with the other people who also ate the enchanted food for [dice] hours
- Gains a +[dice] bonus to physical damage for [dice] hours
- Is immune to any dangerous effects this food may cause
- Can transfer any amount of HP to anyone else who has eaten this food for [dice] hours
R: 30' T: all in the line D: one action
A wave of white flour bursts from the caster's hands in a 10' wide by 10*[dice]' long line. All in the line are covered, head to toe, in this flour. All hit like this get -[sum] to all attacks until they take an action to brush the flour out of their eyes. They are also easier to track and if exposed to fire, take [dice] damage, though the fire will instantly clean all the flour off them.
R: 50' T: object or surface D:2[dice] rounds
You cause an area 10*[dice]' x 10*[dice]' or [dice] objects to become slippery. To move across the greased area or hold a greased object, one must make a Dex Check. On a failure, he or she drops the object or fall prone.
Note that Culinary Wizards use a variant of the base Grease spell. In their version, the grease is also flammable.
R: touch T: [dice] servings of food D: [dice] hours
You hex up to [dice] servings of food. For every [dice], select one of the effects below and apply it to the food. Anyone who eats the food receives all the negative effects, but only if they eat the whole serving.
Anyone who eats this food:
- Takes 1d6 damage. This option may be selected multiple times.
- Must save or obey a verbal command shouted at them, no matter what it is. This effect lasts for [dice] minutes.
- Gets -[dice] to all physical checks and saving throws for [dice] minutes.
- Gets -[dice] to all mental checks and saving throws for [dice] minutes.
- Receives a -[dice] penalty to all damage rolls for [dice] minutes.
- Must save or immediately fall asleep. If anyone fails their save against this, they fall asleep for [dice] hours. If a creature takes any damage or any loud noises are heard in the nearby vicinity, the creature wakes up.
10- Palative Panoply
R: touch T: [dice] creatures D: [dice] hours
You conjure armor around up to [dice] creatures. This armor is made of food and edible, while also providing protection equal to 10+[dice].
Additionally, for each [dice] above one, select one of the options below:
- Your suits of food armor can glow as a torch as long as they are intact.
- Your suits of food armor have a store of hidden magic in them, giving anyone who wears them +[dice] FS (Fighting Spirit).
- Your suits of food armor give anyone wearing one a +1 damage bonus for the duration.
- Your suits of food armor can be imbued with extra power to reduce any elemental damage of a specific type (e.g. fire, ice, etc) by [dice]. You may select this option multiple times, but each time you must pick another element.
- Your suits of food armor are edible, and if eaten before the duration ends, heal 1d8+[dice] HP.
The suits of food armor remain for the duration, after which they fall apart and return to being normal food.
11- Magically Delicious
R: 30' T: creature D: [dice] minutes
One creature becomes irresistibly delicious. All creatures near them, including the caster, must save with a penalty equal to [dice]. On a failed save, they must immediately begin trying to consume the creature that is magically delicious. Creatures who already eat the same kind of creature as the targeted creature get an additional -4 penalty to their save. Creatures who do not eat that kind of creature or who have a strong connection with the targeted creature get a +4 bonus to their saves.
12- Sugar Splash
R: 30' T: creature D: one action
You blast a wave of liquid sugar at someone. This automatically hits, unless the creature targeted has superhuman speed or some other ability that could let them evade a wave of sugar slurry. The person struck must save with a penalty to their save equal to [dice]. On a failure, the person's teeth and bones begin crumbling, causing them to take +[sum] damage from blunt sources until he can drink some milk or rinse out his mouth with water.
R: touch T: [dice] seeds D: one action
[dice] seeds you are touching instantly grow to their full, mature size. If these seeds would produce some sort of food, you may instead choose for these seeds to instead grow into the food item, instead of a full plant.
R: special T: all within range D: one action
All within range of this spell take [dice]+[sum] poison damage if they have consumed a specific food item in the past 24 hours. For example, if you say "wine", then anyone who has drunk wine in the past 24 hours will take damage.
As for the range, at 1 [dice] the spell only affects one room or anyone within 50 square feet. At 2 [dice] the spell affects one whole building or anyone within 100 square feet. At 3 [dice] the spell affects [dice] buildings or anyone within 100*[dice] square feet. At 4 or more [dice], it affects a whole city or anyone within 10*[dice] miles.
R: touch T: [dice] servings of food D: one action
[dice] servings of food that you touch become infused with a disease. Anyone who eats this food becomes infected with this disease. However, from there, the disease spreads naturally, as a normal disease.
You may consult here and here for odd diseases, or roll on the table below.
1- Spicy breath. Anyone infected by this has no symptoms for a week. During this week, anyone they come into physical contact with should save. Those who fail their save are infected. After the week, those who are infected come down with a fever. Their breath starts to stink, as well. Soon they begin to exhale smoke with every breath, their breath unnaturally warm. A few more days later, they start uncontrollably breathing fire. Anyone who doesn't have fire immunity at this point dies soon after as the fire cooks them from the inside. The cure for spicy breath is drowning then recusitation or serving a Nogard for a month.
2- Chowder Blood. Anyone infected by this has their blood slowly thicken over 72 hours. This thickened blood strains the heart, until it cannot continue and the person dies. This disease spreads through the infected's blood. Avoid contact and you'll be fine. The treatment for Chowder Blood is the keep doing more and more ridiculous stunts. The cure for Chowder Blood is drink the blood of a Griffon or to throw yourself off a cliff. Of course, if you choose the latter option, you'll still have to survive the fall.
3- Fun Size. Anyone infected by this disease begins shrinking. They get smaller and smaller, losing 1d6 inches in height each day, until they vanish from view. The cure for Fun Size can be found in the kiss of one of the Sovereigns of the Folk or in drinking giant's breast milk.
4- Lasangaface. Anyone infected by this disease has patches of their skin begin falling off. They also take +1 damage a day they are infected. This continues for about a month, after which the infected all die, unless they can regenerate their lost skin. This is assuming they haven't been killed by something else before this, of course. Lasagnaface is cured by descending into the Womb of the World or training with the Terracotta Men.
5- Sweet Tooth. Anyone infected by this disease has all their teeth fall out one by one. It is non-lethal, but immensely inconvenient. The cure for Sweet Tooth is to murder a dessert-maker or eat nothing but vegetables and fruits for a month.
6- Jellied Brains. Anyone infected by this disease has more and more difficulty moving delicately, until their brain turns to jelly and melts out their ears. This is non-fatal, but it makes it much harder to make complex movements. You'll still be able to walk and talk, but you'll be hopeless at threading needles or carrying plates. Something like dancing is no forever beyond you, unless you manage to find another brain.
R: touch T: [dice] pieces of food D: one action
[dice] pieces of food grow larger. If this spell is cast with 1 [dice], the food items grow to the size of watermelons. If cast with 2 [dice], the food items grow to the size of a man. If cast with 3 [dice], the food items grow to the size of horses. If cast with 4 [dice], the food items grow to the size of houses. If cast with more than four [dice], Referee's Discretion.
This spell can also be cast on plants. If so, all the fruits, seeds or other products the plant produces will be much larger than normal.
Chaos and Corruption of the Culinary Wizard:
When you roll doubles, roll on the Chaos table. The spell still goes through. You receive 1d3 Doom Points.
When you roll triples, roll on the Corruption table. The spell automatically fails. You also receive 1d4 Doom Points.
At 10 Doom Points, you invoke the Doom of Fools.
At 20 Doom Points, you invoke the Doom of Kings.
At 30 Doom Points, you invoke the Ultimate Doom.
Chaos of the Culinary Wizard
1- Nothing happens at first. However, the next object you touch turns into a pie. Whatever you touched, the pie tastes like a pie filled with that object. For example, if you touched a wooden chair, the pie tastes of splinters, nails and varnish.
2- Nothing happens at first. However, the next food item you touch grows to the size of a pony.
3- Nothing happens at first. However, the next creature you touch gains a terrible taste in its mouth and must save or spend their next action vomiting.
4- Instead of what spell effect your spell normally has, your spell instead conjures a delicious meal from the ether and places it nearby. Nothing else happens.
5- A wave of spicy powder ejects from your hands in a 30' cone. If you touch any part of your body that is sensitive (eyes, ears, genitals, etc), you suffer intense pain and must save to do anything besides being in pain. Anyone sprayed by the spicy powder must do the same.
6- One food item within 100' randomly comes to life, rising as a Food Golem. This Food Golem has [sum] HP and no loyalty to anyone but itself. It will remain for [dice] hours before dying naturally, reverting to normal food. This Food Golem has the personality of: 1dX [1= Completely amoral; 2= Completely evil; 3= Virtuous and Saintly; 4= Mad as a hatter.]
Corruption of the Culinary Wizard
1- All creatures within 100' must save. The first one to fail his save loses their next action as they vomit all over their shoes.
2- All creatures within 100' must save. The first one to fail his save transforms into a pastry, cake or delicious pie.
3- Instead of what spell effect your spell normally has, your spell instead conjures a delicious meal from the ether and places it nearby. The food is deadly poisonous, anyone who eats it must save or die.
4- The next time you cook anything or cast a spell, a pack of 1d20 wild beasts appear and try to devour your food, or if you cast the spell, you.
5- A wave of flammable powder ejects from your hands in a 30' cone. If you touch, take daamge from or are otherwise near fire or something super-heated, save or burst into flames. Anyone hit by the flammable powder should do the same.
6- All creatures within 100' must save. The first one to fail his save becomes Magically Delicious as per the spell for 1d4 hours.
Doom of Fools- For one day, everything you cook comes out as flavorless grey mush that no one enjoys. For the rest of the day, your Special Power does not work. You may only cast the spells Bad Taste in their Mouths or Grease for the rest of the day, even if you do not have those spells.
Doom of Kings- As above, except it lasts for 1d6+1 days and the only spell you may cast is Bad taste in their mouths.
Ultimate Doom- As above, except it is permanent and you lose your ability to cast spells, permanently.
This Doom can be avoided by sacrificing part of your soul and embedding a piece of your soul into a piece of food, then having someone eat it, or by preparing food that brings tears to the eye of a God.
The Natural Aristocracy
All Wizards hate Sorcerers. They are those gifted among the ranks of mortals to be able to grasp magic almost intuitively. Rather than the Wizard, who has to spend years of his life training and struggling to cast his first spell, the Sorcerer accomplishes that by accident, most likely. Furthermore, a Sorcerer's natural gifts allow him or her to pick up and then excel at magic far easier than anyone else.
But there is a type of person even rarer than the Sorcerer or the Paladin, a type so rare that barely anyone even knows they exist. They are a secret, often from themselves. If a person is part of this elite group, they might believe that they are the only person like this in the world. He or she is not, but it might not seem that way. This group is called the Cibopaths and among mortals, they are near the top of the heap.
Starting HP: 1/3 Con
Fighting Spirit: +X FS per Cibopath Level, where X equal the highesr HD of creature cannibalized, up to Will
Starting Equipment: Paring Knife, Shortsword or Bow and Arrow, Evening wear, embroidered napkin
Cibopathy: When you eat something, you receive psychic impressions of what you ate. For example, if you ate a piece of bread, you could learn what type of wheat it was made of, where that wheat was grown, what, if any, chemicals the farmer used to help it grow, and how healthy the wheat plant was when it was harvested. Depending on the amount eaten, you may ask the Referee a number of questions based on what you ate.
If you eat the flesh of a creature, you may ask these questions about the creature: who it was, how strong it was, what it did while it was alive, and etc. To see how many questions you may ask, consult the table below.
If you choose to absorb knowledge, such as another skill, language or etc, simply store the information in your Memory, having it take up a memory slot as per the rules here.
If you choose to absorb a superior stat, such as a higher STR, add the difference between your stat and the stat you are trying to absorb. However, this increased STR counts as one of your abilities.
If you choose to absorb an ability, such as a class ability, you should add the ability to your character sheet, as if you gained it naturally. However, you may only possess a number of acquired abilities equal to your level. Additionally, you may not acquire any ability that your biology would preclude, such as the ability to breathe fire or fly if the creature who had those abilities had them based on their unique biology.
Cibopaths are a secret from almost all people, but not intentionally. It's simply the case that when Cibopaths find out how weird they actually are, they tend to keep quiet about their abilities. This, coupled with their rarity, means most people have never even heard the term. However, there are two exceptions to that general rule. Firstly, other Cibopaths. They are rare, certainly, but they obviously know about Cibopaths. Secondly, the Culinary Wizards. The Culinary Wizards have a general blood feud with the Cibopaths, going back to time immemorial. The Culinary Wizards claim it is because some ancient Cibopath devoured half their Council of Elders, shattering their central hierarchy and scattering them into isolated kitchens and lone wanderers. They also usually claim that all Cibopaths are descended from this first aggressor, so they are justified in hunting down his descendants.
Most people who hear this reason think it's total nonsense, which it probably is.
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