Monday, May 16, 2022

OSR: Anomalous Items for Reasonable Prices

 Ideas borrowed from Arnold K., Dr. Gears, Trevor Roberts , Abbadon and Andrew Hussie

by Erik Tassinari
Who approaches you?

1d6
1- John Smith.  A plain, aggressively normal man.  Whatever you think is normal, boring or average, that is what he looks like.  He is utterly indistinguishable from anyone else, the second you stop talking to him, all details about him will escape you.  He has a briefcase full of stuff he'd like to offer you.  He does not accept haggling.  He sells drugs, guns and information.  He is very good at eavesdropping as, unless he wants you to notice him, you probably won't.  He accepts drugs, cash and information in exchange. 

2- Triple Six.  A biker in tight fitting leather, with imagery associated with Hell on it's bike, such as screaming faces, flames, devils with pitchforks, etc.  Six seems to change appearance and sex at will, never looking the same way.  The only commonalities are the leather clothing, the fact that he is always beautiful and that she has 666 tattooed somewhere prominent on his body.  She sells magic items (only occasionally cursed, always harmful or evil), potions and knowledge.  He accepts souls, promises of future services (magically binding) and degrading or humiliating acts performed for her amusement.

3- Andromeda Jane Baker.  An alchemist and scholar of the occult, as well as children's book author.  Rich and born in the year 1915, yet doesn't like older than 35.  Accompanied everywhere by her assistants and homunculus servants.  Sells potions, magical food and drink.  Accepts currency and information.  She doesn't really need the former and will probably just add it to the pile that she plans on using to give her books a proper movie adaptation.

4- Patsy Jenkins.  A sixteen year old Witch, who is far more skilled in the use of a skillet and spatula than she is a wand.  Her passion is cooking, this magic stuff is just what she's doing to please her absentee Wizard parents.  A genuinely nice person, but she doesn't trust people like you.  Sells magical food and drink.  Accepts currency and magical stuff.  She won't mind if it's cursed or useless, she'll just grind it up to make a pie.

5- Galifax the Juniper Thief.  A giant glowing slug with the face of a man, compound eyes and bat wings emerging from the side of his face like sideburns.  Appears only in dreams.  Friendly and exuberant, but doesn't really understand humans.  Is prone to misunderstandings and saying things then not elaborating, as if he expects you to know what he is talking about.  Sells dreams, memories, potions and really good drugs.  Accepts favors, barbeque and music.     

6- Marjar.  A chimpanzee wearing a tattered child's winter coat and a Yankee's baseball cap.  Carries a bulging jute bag that contains far more stuff than should be able to fit into it.  Speaks in a thick Brooklyn accent.  Friendly, unless you refer to him as a "monkey" or insult the Yankees, in which case he will go apeshit and try to bite your face off.  He sells pornography, guns, potions and random trash he claims holds "sentimental value".  Most of this trash is just stuff that has been thrown away, but some of it is actually highly personal items once owned by powerful NPCs (10% chance).  He accepts cash, gold and things from New York including souvenirs or food.  For example, New York style Pizza, Bagels or Hotdogs.

What are they selling today?

artist unknown

Only the finest in entertainment!

Anomalous Media:

1d12

1: Hunt of the Zebra King: A 3 hour and 45 minute interview of famous serial killer Richard Danton, now in his 70s.  The interview covers his life from birth, the circumstances of growing up in New Orleans, his adulthood and activism with the Black Panther Party and other groups, and eventually the murders he committed.

Danton claims in the interview that he planned to kill 66 white people, 22 men, 22 women and 22 children as part of an act of human sacrifice that would "free the African diaspora and return them to their original majesty".  The film-makers, who are always unseen, do include snippets of information from other sources in the form of white text on an otherwise black screen that Danton only killed 32 people before being caught, all the murders taking place from the years 1972 to 1975.

Danton alternates between raving madness and cerebral, calculated responses.  Those who have seen the film are split between believing Danton to be a psychopath pretending to be insane or an insane man with dissociative identity disorder or some other mental condition.  There is also much debate over whether Danton was the killer at all, or if he is only taking credit for the murders, and someone else was responsible for the killings, or maybe he was framed by a racist criminal justice system.  Those who espouse the last position generally haven't seen the interview.

Lastly, Danton himself hints that the sacrifice he began all those years ago has not been disturbed and could still be finished, should someone have the will to.  What he means by this, or how it could be done, is not known.

2: Homicide Juice: A 7 minute internet video that is occasionally re-uploaded to various video sharing sites and then taken down within hours or minutes.  Each time it is taken down it disappears, before being reposted on a different site within a few weeks.  The longest it was ever gone was 6 months. 

The video consists of a man whose face is not visible preparing a potion or elixir the narration calls 'Homicide Juice'.  Supposedly, anyone who drinks this juice will fly into a murderous rampage and attempt to kill those nearest to them with the most dangerous weapons they have on hand.  The narrator calmly describes the preparation of this juice, though each time the video reappears the recipe is slightly different- in one the narrator says the recipe requires fresh limes, in another hand-squeezed orange juice, in a third, he says that lemon juice bought from the store is sufficient. 

3: Crooked Man: Reign: 25 hours of video consisting of stills or snippets from famous speeches, public events that were broadcast across the world and news footage from on location.  In these clips, the normal audio is muted or turned down and the camera focuses on one part of the image or some small detail in the background.  When something is visible in the background, it usually resembles a hunched man wearing a broad-brimmed hat that is pulled low to conceal his face.  Other than the hat and the bent back, everything else about the man's dress and mannerisms changes from clip to clip.  Sometimes he is wearing a suit, other times a military uniform, sometimes he is smoking, sometimes he is fairly conspicuous while other times he is barely visible and so on.  All of these sightings report to be of an entity known as the Crooked Man.

4: "'Choke,' declared the Fly to the Spider: A book containing a collection of poems describing the philosophy of German Pessimism circa the 19th century and defending the same from criticism.  Most of the poems are quite poorly written, being focused more on defending the poet's ideology than sounding good or engaging in clever rhyming.  Most readers are simply baffled by the book, but some of those who can actually grasp the deeper meaning of the poems attempt suicide in dramatic and grandiose ways.

5: "Gutter City": A rejected cartoon pilot depicting two male characters who work as private eyes in a city that vaguely resembles Seattle, but is never identified as such.  The two characters, named Fitz and Jaw, attempt to solve the murder of a barista.  Despite the abundance of evidence, the police have no interest in pursuing the case and Fitz and Jaw are too incompetent to solve the case. 

The B-plot of the pilot is that of the murderer, who is attempting to cover his tracks.  But due to a wildly bizarre series of comedic errors, he ends up accidentally revealing his identity and guilt to Fitz and Jaw.  The two main characters then proceed to beat the tar out of the murderer before knocking him out cold, hog-tying him and taking him to an undisclosed location.  There they proceed to torture and murder him in an extremely graphic 8-minute scene that takes up the lion's share of the episode's remaining time.  The two then declare it a job well done, hack the body into pieces and bury him in a shallow grave, before driving back into town. 

The only other notable thing about the pilot, besides its amateurish voice-acting, choppy looking animation and general lack of quality is the fact that the murder depicted in the show eeriely parallels one that occurred just a year before in the Capitol Hill neighborhood.  The pilot is still available on YouTube, as well as some other streaming sites, and rarely has more than two thousand views.  It is credited to an amateur animator and cartoonist named John Pierce, who is said to live near the Seattle area but has not produced anything notable since then.        

6: Sapphic Sorority 4: A lesbian porno depicting four female pornstars, three completely unknown and one vaguely recognizable.  They all put on a series of increasingly bizarre foreign accents.  The blonde is probably supposed to be Swedish but she ends up sounding Russian for the majority of the film, for instance.  The sex scenes are well-shot up until halfway through the film, where a fifth woman joins in.  

This woman's face and head is never shown except from the back and she is quite average for adult films, with modest breasts and long brown hair, the only notable detail about her is the tattoo of eye crying black tears on her back, right of where a tramp stamp would ordinarily go.  Not only does the eye's shape and appearance slightly change from scene to scene, but also the sex acts from her introduction onward become more and more dangerous, up until one of the other participants lets out a very real scream and the sheets of the bed they are using are stained with a large amount of blood. 

At this point, the film smash cuts to the credits, with a promise that the next film will be even better.  Five years later, no sequel has appeared and the studio that produced the original four films was bought up by a larger conglomerate, which then set about scrubbing this film from the Internet.  Copies of it still persist on many pirate sites, and it is occasionally re-uploaded to one of the more mainstream sites before being deleted within minutes. 

7: The Galfari Guide to E247: A guidebook that describes various social customs, traditions and folkways on Earth and includes such things as a list of taboos, a series of warnings against nudity, a section on brushing up on local prejudices, reminders to speak aloud and to cook meat before you eat it.  The book has five identical sections which include the same content written in English, Latin American Spanish, Mandarin Chinese, Aramaic and a yet to be identified language.  

Despite this fact, it is written as if the audience would not understand anything about the world beyond what one could observe from watching humans from afar.  At the end of the book, there is a warning that if one is in danger on Earth, the reader should immediately retreat to the nearest Consulate.  There, the book assures the reader, the Consul General will be able to keep you safe until passage to a more hospitable location can be arranged.

8: "Hollowpoint" by Hollywood Undead: An audio file apparently of an early version of the song "Bullet", released by Hollywood Undead as part of their American Tragedy album.  This version was recorded on much inferior equipment, making it hard to tell if the band actually performed this, or if it is just a group of talented imitators.  The versions of the song are largely the same, both concerned with the speaker's attempts to kill himself, his failings and the effects of a life misspent on vice that finally ends in saccharine tragedy. 

However, "Hollowpoint" differs in several key ways.  In this version, the speaker describes how he has already shot himself several times and it has only caused him pain, as well as the fact that he drank kerosene, evidentially to no effect.  Additionally, at the end of the song, where in "Bullet" a child sings about trying to fly, there is a pained, mournful sound that does not seem to come from a human throat.

Those who listen to this version of the song often become obsessed with it and listen to it over and over on loop, neglecting all activities.  Eventually, their obsession becomes so powerful that they go in search of their idols, to try and confirm the song is real.  None who have left on such a pilgrimage have ever returned. 

9: "Patricide" by u/Evilgor_0: A scary story posted on Reddit, originally credited to the aforementioned account.  The story, as told by an unnamed narrator, vividly describes his highly realistic descent into madness and violence, culminating with the narrator murdering his own father, then snapping back to lucidity.  The narrator then declares he will kill himself, as he cannot live with the guilt and shame.  The story is well written, but the truly disturbing thing is that whenever it is read, the person reading it always finds that the narrator's circumstances, as well as the appearance and personality of the father match the reader's almost exactly.

This strange effect does not apply to anyone who is told about the story or views the story as part of a group, in which case the story's details will only match the first person to read it. 

As for the user who posted the story, the account has not been active in over three years.  The last activity on the account was some thirsty comments on a porn starlet's fan reddit, before the user logged out for the last recorded time.

10: Cross and Crescent: A .pdf file describing an RPG setting where the world has been decimated by a nuclear war after Al-Qaeda obtained nuclear weapons and used them to annihilate Washington D.C. and New York, as well as several major European capitals including Berlin, Paris and Rome.  However, Vatican City was miraculously preserved and the Pope then declared a new Crusade against the Muslims, resulting in the ultimate clash of civilizations.  Playable factions include Evangelical Christian, Catholic, Shia, Sunni, Secular, Pagan and Jewish.

The game, while otherwise unexceptional in terms of mechanics and lore, is bizarrely engrossing to play and anyone who tries it find it is the richest gaming experience they have ever had.  Those who play more than once also start to exhibit strange mental effects, firstly by becoming radical adherents to their current religion, with those who lack religion become anti-religious extremists instead.  Other effects include hearing voices, religious delusions, visions, paranoia, black-outs and an inability to restrain one's violent or angry impulses.     

11: Package Delivery: 5 hours of dashcam footage from a car in Russia.  The footage has clearly been edited, jumping back and forth at seemingly random intervals.  The driver is a man and speaks in Russian, narrating what is happening or making small-talk.  He complains about his wife and how his kids never visit or call, how things are too expensive and that things were better for the Russian people under Stalin, though that last part might be a joke.  The driver is only ever seen once when he exits the car at the 4:51:13, but he seems to be old, with a grey beard and mustache.

At various points throughout the film, strange lights pirouetting through the night sky, flashing in strange patterns only to disappear suddenly.  The driver appears to be following these lights.  Eventually, near the end of the footage, the sky is illuminating by a blinding series of lights and strange, ethereal music floods the empty landscape, much of it degenerating into static and incoherent noises.  Silhouettes of strange, non-human creatures with many undulating limbs and appendages that resemble wings, horns and tentacles are visible in this light.  The man exits the car, approaches these silhouetted creatures and appears to speak with them.  The lights then vanish and the man re-enters the car carrying a package wrapped in brown paper.  At this point he shuts off the camera.

12: The True Jesus: A series of crudely animated flash cartoons detailing the life and ministry of Jesus.  The cartoons begin in a place familiar to anyone who knows anything about Christianity, with His birth in Bethlehem and there being no room at the inn.  But as the cartoons continue, they begin to diverge further and further from scripture until the cartoon's version of Jesus is reciting magic spells, making predictions about events that would have been impossible to know at the time such as the discovery of the Americas and levitating while his eyes roll back in his head.  The messages this Jesus character also gives are not orthodox either, but instead are a mish-mash of Christianity, Gnosticism, Marxism and 20th century Occultism. 

There are four episodes, each one covering a different period of Jesus' life and revealing the truth of what actually happened.  The episodes are inconsistent in terms of writing style, animation style and quality and seem to be made by different people.  The message of each also differs.  One claims that Jesus was born of a virgin, others claim that the virgin birth was made to aid in the deification of Jesus and limit the spread of his true message.  But all the episodes claim to contain hidden fragments of his true message, which a true believer will be able to find and decode.  There are many theories about what this message actually is, but little in the way of serious answers.

from here

And you can't enjoy wonderful entertainment with a dry throat!

Anomalous Drinks:

1d20

1- Pepsi Dragon Twist.
Rarity: Rare 
A perfectly ordinary soda that tastes like Pepsi mixed with Dragonfruit.  Tastes pretty good if you like Pepsi.  Any creature who drinks this gains one of the abilities granted by drinking or bathing in Dragon's blood for 1d4 hours.   

2- Darkside Cola.
Rarity: Uncommon
A clear soda that turns black when exposed to air.  Tastes like Coca Cola with a hint of spice.  Any creature who drinks this has his skin, hair, teeth and even the sclera of his eyes turn black.  In darkness, this creature counts as invisible.  In low-light, the creature has advantage on all stealth checks and checks made to hide.  The effect lasts for 1d4 hours. 
 
3- Dr. Pibb. 
Rarity: Uncommon
A soda in a brown bottle, trimmed in white.  Tastes a bit like Dr. Pepper.  If drunk, the creature gains a knowledge of medicine equal to an emergency room doctor for 1d4 hours.  They can treat most injuries, provide first aid and diagnose illnesses, receiving a +1d6 bonus to all checks made to perform first aid, treat injuries, etc. 

4- Billy Beer. 
Rarity: Common
A beer brewed in 1982 during President Jimmy Carter's second term and endorsed by his younger brother.  When opened, the creature should make a CHA save.  On a successful save, the bottle is full of beer that restores 1d10 FS (as per normal alcohol rules).  On a failed save, the bottle is instead full of gasoline.  If the players would prefer gas, the Referee is advised to reverse the outcomes of the save. 

5- Solar Cola
Rarity: Rare
An orange soda in a glass bottle with a retro-future aesthetic.  Drinking it restores 1d8+1 FS and 1d8+1 HP, then sets the user on fire.  This causes them to do +1d6 fire damage on a hit.  After 2 rounds, it causes the drinker to be able to hurl 1d8 fireballs as an action.  After 4 rounds, the user gains the ability to fly.  After 5 or more rounds, the user becomes immune to fire and must save.  On a successful save, the flames dissipate and the user loses any bonuses gained.  On a failed save, the user disappears in a flash of light.  These effects can be ended early if the flames wrapping around the creature are extinguished.  The creature has been taken to the Realm of the Gods and will be asked if they wish to become immortal.  If they accept, they become unplayable, but the player gets a bonus that they can give to their next character or to another party member.  If they refuse, they are sent back, their memories of the Heavenly Court fading over time, until only a fond recollection and a faint melancholy remain.   

6- Candy Corn Liquor. 
Rarity: Rare
An alcohol made of fermented candy corn, water and citric acid.  Vile to the taste and extremely flammable.  Do not smoke when pouring yourself a glass.  A single shot restores 1d12 FS and counts as 2 points of drunkenness.  It also causes the user to take -1d6 bludgeoning and falling damage till he stops to eat or rest. 

7- Coke Heartthrob
Rarity: Uncommon
Tastes like Coca Cola with a strange, meaty aftertaste.  Causes any creature who drinks it to start secreting pheremones that make them appear to be more charming and attractive.  They gain advantage on all checks made to charm or persuade.  Additionally, creatures who are attracted to the drinker get an additional -2 to any roll made to resist the drinker's requests. 

8- Almond Water. 
Rarity: Common
Tastes like carbonated almond milk.  An acquired taste, fairly nasty at first.  Drinking it will cause the creature in question to have no need for food or water for 1d3+1 days.  This effect has diminishing returns, depending on the amount of Almond Water consumed.  If consumed only sporadically, this secondary effect does not occur.

9- One Eyed Olog's Flameblood Ale.
Rarity: Rare
A black bottle covered in writing that makes your eyes slide off or gives you a faint migrane.  You can see the reflection of some kind of monster in the dark glass, but there's nothing behind you (right?).  Tastes like strong liquor mixed with brimstone and ash.  Grants the drinker 1d6+2 MD that lasts for 2d10+10 minutes.  The drinker can use these MD to power some device that requires them or use them to cast the spells Fireball, Protection from Energy or Wall of Fire.   

10- Dead-Head Rum. 
Rarity: Uncommon
A solid white bottle adorned with a skull wrapped in black roses.  Filled with a greenish liquid that smells like absinthe mixed with formaldehyde.  Utterly vile, tastes like alcohol that was used to preserve a rotting corpse.  Makes the drinker immune to either necrotic, cold or poison damage (roll randomly) and causes the drinker to 'detect' as Undead for 1d8 hours.  Undead will not attack them and they can cast Speak with Dead at will.    

11- Ichor Pale Ale. 
Rarity: Uncommon
A clear bottle that is seemingly empty, though if you shake the bottle you can hear something sloshing around inside.  Drinking this liquid will cause you to become a carrier for the disease drunkeness.  The drinker will remain sober, but everyone who is within 100' will slowly find their inhibitions weakened.  They will become and start acting as if they are drinking heavily, even if they have consumed no alcohol.  This effect continues for 1d3 hours.  This cannot cause creatures to die of alcohol poisoning, but they can pass out from drinking too much. 

12- Marquise of Laflaffe' Lymphatic Sweet Wine.
Rarity: Rare
Usually served in cups of gold or silver, this wine is highly prized by nobles and Magi alike.  It is fruity and sweet, smelling of grapes and good soil.  Anyone who consumes this wine has any diseases afflicting them cured and any poisons in his body purged over a period of 1d3 hours.  These hours are not often pleasant, causing the drinker to enter a state similar to that of a high fever.  But once the effect has ended, they will be fine and fit as a fiddle. 

13- Blackmire Brew. 
Rarity: Common
A yeasty ale that smells of heath and herbal plants.  Usually found in jugs or clay jars adorned with the ugly faces of demons or malicious gods.  Brewed by medicine men and old crones who live in or near deep swamps.  Taste is nothing abnormal.  Anyone who drinks it will find they gain the ability to breathe water for 1d6 hours.  Consuming large amounts can lead to various reptilian or aquatic mutations, such as slit-pupil eyes, gills, scaly hide, muscular tail, webbed fingers and/or toes, etc. 

14- Cherry Bomb. 
Rarity: Rare
A cheery flavored soda in a steel cylinder covered in warning labels in various languages.  Tastes delicious.  Any creature who drinks it must immediately make a CON save or die.  On a failed save, that creature takes 3d6 damage and this damage ignores armor and FS.  On a failed save, the creature's head explodes and smears the walls with his blood and brain matter.   

15- Davy Crockett Energy Drink. 
Rarity: Rare
A black can stamped with radiation warnings and gruesome art of a man in a coonskin cap and armed with a musket, his skin peeling off as a mushroom cloud rises in the background.  Tastes like heavy metals and Mountain Dew.  Any creature who drinks it takes 1d4 radiant damage.  That creature also receives 1d20 MD that last for 1 hour.  The creature can use these spells to Flesh Grenade, Gamma Infusion and Atom Smasher.  For every 10 minutes that pass, if the creature still has MD left, he takes 1d4 radiant damage.

16- Berserker's Blood. 
Rarity: Uncommon
A red energy drink, adorned with the logo of a viking riding a moose, armed with an axe and frothing at the mouth.  The liquid inside is red and tastes coppery.  Any creature who drinks it must save.  On a failed save, the creature flies into a rage.  While raging, they get a +2 bonus to Atk and damage and take half damage from all non-magical sources of damage.  The creature raging must continue attacking each round and cannot take any action to do something precise or delicate.  The creature can stop raging early by passing a COG save, otherwise he rages for 1d10 minutes, then collapses from exhaustion.  For the next 10 minutes, the creature has disadvantage on Atk and pursuit rolls.  Defense rolls and saving throws are unaffected, however.  If the creature is allowed to rest, after 10 minutes, the disadvantage goes away. 

17- Drunken Monk. 
Rarity: Uncommon
A delicious whiskey depicting a fat, apple-cheeked friar with a jug of liquor, a cherubic smile on his face.  Tastes like damn good whiskey.  Provides the benefits of normal whiskey, but also contains an ample serving of holy water.  Any creature who drinks this will find that his bodily fluids, for the next 1d4 hours, are holy.  This means they provide the same benefits of holy water, burning the Undead, wicked Mortals and Evil Spirits.  Additionally, it is impossible for anyone under the influence of Drunken Monk to be possessed or charmed by an Evil Spirit.   
18- Fortuna's Radiance. 
Rarity: Very Rare
A glass bottle full of glowing, golden liquid.  Tastes like sunshine and clovers and vanilla cake.  Any creature who drinks this gains an immense store of good fortune that lasts for the rest of the day.  1d20+1 times today, if the drinker rolls a "5" or below on a d20, he can reroll that d20.  Any unused uses of this ability are lost once the creature goes to sleep/takes a long rest. 

19- Tomorrow's Wine. 
Rarity: Rare
A blue liquid that smells of snails, scorpion's venom and crawling things.  Tastes unpleasant, greasy and bitter.  Any creature who drinks this falls into a catatonic state for 1d3 hours.  During this time, they have a series of visions relating to the future.  These visions will be confusing, symbolic and not always helpful.  The drinker can direct these visions by asking 1d3 questions to try and direct the visions.  The Referee has to answer their questions by describing a vision that relates to this, but they don't have to directly answer the question.  The future is ever unclear and those who try to predict it can easily find themselves lost.     

20- Celestial Peach Brandy.
Rarity: Mythic 
Made from the Peaches of Immortality that grow in the gardens of the Law Gods, it is only ever found in small bottles made of diamond and star-metal, each one a work of art itself.  The liquid inside smells of peaches and dredges up the happiest memories from the drinker's childhood.  The taste is indescribable, better than anything you've ever tried.  You'll grow to hate peaches, for all of them are inferior compared to this.  Anyone who drinks this brandy has all his diseases cured, all poisons purged from his body.  He is instantly restored to full health.  If he is suffering from the pains and frailty of old age, such things are wiped away and he will experience 1d10+10 years of youthful strength and health. Additionally, it will extend the drinker's natural lifespan by 1d4*1d100.

from Problem Sleuth

You look hungry after all that drink, so why don't you browse the selection of snacks available?

Anomalous Food:

1d12

1- Five Alarm Chili.
Rarity: Rare
Cooking DC: 15
An extremely spicy chili made with six kinds of peppers, meat from a dozen rare creatures, powdered dragonbone (or a less expensive substitute) and alchemist's fire.  It's hot enough to set paper alight if it is dipped into the chili, yet is somehow still edible.  At least, as long as you have a taste for heat.  Any who eat this chili gain +2d10 FS and anything over their maximum FS is added as temporary HP.  Those creatures who eat the chili also gain an immunity to fire damage.  However, every 10 minutes, they have a 2-in-6 chance of bursting into flames for 1d10 minutes.  These flames burn flammable objects on their person and ignite flammable objects around them.  These flames can be extinguished as easily as normal flames.  All effects of the chili end after 1 hour or after the eater drinks milk.   

2- Lay's Blooming Onion. 
Rarity: Uncommon
Cooking DC: 12
A seemingly normal onion that, when peeled, reveals it's insides to be made of Lay's chips.  Each layer is a different flavor.  Each onion can be customized and have different layers.  Each onion has 6 layers.  To see what layers this one has, select six if you're making the onion.  If not, roll randomly.  1d12 [1= Cheddar; 2= Sour cream and Onion; 3= Salt and Vinegar; 4= Barbeque; 5= Dill Pickle; 6= Chesapeake Bay Crab; 7= Flaming Hot Habanero Pepper- if crushed and rubbed into a creature's face, eyes or another sensitive area, they experience a painful, burning sensation; 8= Nitroglycerin- these chips are explosive, doing 1 damage if thrown onto the ground or crushed and 1d3 per chip if eaten; 9= Chernobyl- each chip is radioactive, doing 1 radiation damage to any creature around them for more than 1d6 minutes or 1d3 per chip if eaten; 10= Thundering Fury- these chips are made of steel wool and highly conducive to electricity; 11= Sodium- these chips explode if exposed to water, one chip does 1 explosion damage, an entire layer does 1d8+2, save for half; 12= LSD- these chips are coated in a sprinkle of LSD which is absorbed through the skin.  It causes hallucinations that last for 1d8 hours in anyone who touches or eats them.]   

3- Teriyaki Fedora.
Rarity: Uncommon
Cooking DC: DC 10
A hat made of teriyaki beef jerky, stylishly folded into every neckbeard's favorite head accessory.  Functions as a helm.  Also grants anyone who wears it advantage on any checks or saves made to resist intimidation or persuasion attempts.  However, it also grants disadvantage on checks or saves made against persuasion checks or Charm effects made by female creatures.  Can also be torn apart to make enough rations to feed 1d4 people.   

4- Bacon Shirt.
Rarity: Common
Cooking DC: 8
A long-sleeve shirt made of bacon.  Functions as Light Armor but only occupies 1 inventory slot.  Grants advantage on any attempt to charm or persuade carnivorous or omnivorous creatures.  Can be torn apart to make enough rations to feed 1d6+2 people.     

5- Candy Robot.
Rarity: Uncommon
Cooking DC: 15
A tiny mecha made of spun sugar, toffee and hard candy.  A beautiful and intricate creation that can be customized in terms of color and shape.  Comes with a cookie remote that can be used to control the robot, which can walk and lift objects that weigh five pounds or less.  The robot has no need for any things living creatures need and feels no fear.  It obeys without question.  It is also very fragile, breaking after it takes 1 point of damage.  It will also break if it falls from a height or has something heavy dropped on it.  The robot can be torn apart to make enough rations to feed 1d3 people.  If one person eats the entire thing and the cookie remote isn't eaten, the holder of the remote can control that person for 1 hour.   

6- Toffee Chess Set.
Rarity: Uncommon
Cooking DC: 10
A chess set made of various types of toffee and hard candy.  Best enjoyed with coffee.  If given a verbal command by someone standing on one side of the board, the piece in question will move to the space indicated.  If two people use this set to play a game, if one is put into check, they will feel an overpowering sense of fear and dread.  If put into checkmate, the loser will be paralyzed and frozen in place from the neck down.  The winner can release them, or can compel them to make an oath.  Any oaths made under these circumstances are magical and the loser cannot break them unless freed of their oath by the winner or complete the objective intended by the oath.  If the pieces are eaten, can provide enough rations to feed 1 person.     

7- Chocolate Phallus.
Rarity: Uncommon
Cooking DC: 10
A chocolate phallus full of white chocolate and topped with dollops of whipped cream.  Impress your bachelorette party or a group of teenagers.  If consumed, any creature who eats any part of the dessert experiences a state of euphoria and arousal, similar to being high.  They will also experience a lowered sense of inhibitions and act as if they are drunk, though they will suffer no loss of coordination.  If eaten entirely by 1 creature, that creature must save.  On a failed save, the creature falls into a catatonic state for 1d8 hours and has extremely pleasant dreams.  On a successful save, the creature secretes pheremones affecting all creatures nearby that effect them as the dessert did, but also make the creature who ate it extremely attractive to everyone present.      
 
8- Caramelized Spider.
Rarity: Common
Cooking DC: 7
A large spider, fried in a pan till soft and jam.  Delicious on a burger or steak.  The spider also has necromantic charms whispered over it and thus, can be animated at the word of the chef.  The spider can move and do everything a spider can.  It is also venomous, but anyone who is bitten by it must make a CON save.  On a failed save, they take 1d6 CON damage and get sleepy, as if they just ate a big meal.  If this reduces someone to 0 CON, they fall into a food coma and sleep for 1d6 hours.  They have advantage on this save if they feel they are in serious danger.   
 
9- Venomous Snake Spaghetti.
Rarity: Rare
Cooking DC: 13
A pasta dish that utilizes very unique noodles that have to be hand-made.  When cooked and served, the noodles, which resemble starchy serpents, will animate at the behest of the chef and attack those nearby.  This does 2d6 poison damage, save for half, to anyone who is bitten.  Each person can only take this damage once.  Further bites will only do 1d6 damage.  The dish is non-toxic and if not animated, can be eaten as a normal, if dry pasta dish.   

10- Nitro Popping Corn.
Rarity: Rare
Cooking DC: 12  
A type of popcorn that is usually found unpopped.  These kernels, like normal popcorn, pop when exposed to heat.  The only difference is the force of the pop.  These kernels pop with sufficient force to explode, making a loud noise like a gunshot.  These can easily be confused for gunfire, especially if they go off in large amounts.  Individually, the kernels are too small to do any real damage, unless eaten raw, but if an entire unpopped bag was exposed to high heat, it would explode, doing 2d6 damage to everything within 30', save for half.

11- Studded Fruit Leather.
Rarity: Rare
Cooking DC: 15
A type of armor made of hard candy and fruity gummies.  Extremely tasty and very fashionable.  Functions as Medium Armor but only occupies 1 inventory slot.  This armor also halves fall and bludgeoning damage because of it's gummy underlayers.  However, insect-like monsters and monsters with sweet tooths, such as Ogres, will also attack any creature wearing this armor.  Can be pulled apart to make rations for 1d4+1 people. 

12- Jawbreaker Bomb.
Rarity: Uncommon
Cooking DC: 10
A delicious treat that possesses an explosive flavor.  A lump of hard candy made of numerous layers, this candy can explode at the command of the chef who made them.  If outside of a creature, the jawbreaker explodes, doing 2d6 damage, save for half.  If inside a creature, it does 3d6 CON damage, save for half.  If this reduces a creature to 0 CON, the creature falls into a diabetic coma for 1d4 hours or until attacked. 

13- Schema Pumpkin Pie.
Rarity: %E&$!&
Cooking DC: You don't think there's necessary, there's one right there. 
A pumpkin pie that seems to defy the laws of physics.  This pie will disappear and reappear, teleporting to seemingly random locations or temporarily blinking out of existence.  It doesn't seem to do anything beyond that.  No one knows how to make one either, as all recipes of it are either forgotten or corrupted.  That being said, there is a 10% of one appearing every time someone references it, pumpkins or pumpkin pie.  It also tastes pretty good, if you like pumpkin pie.

from Problem Sleuth

Friday, May 13, 2022

OSR: 6 Magical Knives

Twilight Huntsman:
Damage: 1d6 magical sharp

A large hunting knife with a steel hilt wrapped in aged leather.  The blade is notched, but well-maintained and bears a faint etching of a pawprint.  Any experienced outdoorsman will recognize the paw print of belonging to a wolf. 

Twilight Huntsman is named after the man who used to own it, one Johar, Son of Yeli.  Johar was one of the best bounty hunters his village had ever seen, not a huge feat known for the small town near the borders of the Great Pine Sea.  Yet he was not just known there, but all across the region.  All who knew of him spoke of his cleverness and skill.  He never let a quarry escape, no matter how swift.

His greatest feat was probably the capturing of the Cutpurse King, a highwayman who amassed a vast horde of thieves that menaced travelers, merchants and anyone with coin for ten long years.  The King's thieves would spring upon unprotected targets, but they melted away in the face of armies.  So no effort by the elders of the people produced any results.  So Johar laid a trap- disguising a companion as a noble woman and giving her an escort of guards and servants.  Then he placed her in a carriage and loaded her down with jewelry and finery donated by those who wished the Cutpurse King captured. 

Sure enough, the King took the bait, arriving in person with over 100 thieves to take the jewels.  But Johar was there, hiding in the carriage.  When the Cutpurse King mockingly invited his companion to come out so he could make her acquaintance, Johar leaped from out of his hiding spot and slashed the King across the chest.  The King survived, but he was so surprised that he immediately retreated, fearing an ambush.  His men, panicked, retreated when Johar pretended like he had more men nearby, calling out for them to 'round up these others'.  The bandit legion broke apart into small groups which scattered into the woods. 

The Cutpurse King himself slipped away and shed his uniform, which was one of the few ways he could be identified.  He figured he had made a clean break after disguising himself as a peddler, retreating to a hidden wagon loaded with goods that he used for just such purposes.  But when the King went to his wagon, a hand shot out from underneath, carrying a glittering blade.  This blade hamstrung him and dropped him to the ground.  From beneath the wagon, Johar appeared and apprehended the King.  Three days later, the King was turned over into the hands of the authorities, who tried him for his many, many crimes.  Ultimately, since they could not prove he did much of what he said he did, with most witnesses only able to identify their attacker as 'The Cutpurse King', they simply hung him for one of his first crimes, the theft of a horse.

As for Johar himself, he received relatively little recognition for this act, though he was amply compensated.  He later died at the age of 77, surrounded by his five children and twelve grand-children.  His knife was passed down to his eldest son and remained in the family for four generations, before it was sold to an adventurer to help the family get through a particularly bad year. 

Abilities:

- If a creature is injured by Twilight Huntsman, the wielder of the knife can track that creature no matter where they go.  They will always be able to find signs of that creature's presence, such as broken twigs, foot-prints, etc.  Even if the injured creature uses magic to conceal these traces, they will still appear.  This lasts until the injured creature dies or the wound that was made with Twilight Huntsman heals. 
- 1/Day, the wielder of Twilight Huntsman may scry the creature who was injured by the blade.  This works as per the normal Scrying rules, with the knife functioning as a crystal ball.  The image of the creature appears on the blade.

Twilight Huntsman is currently in the hands of a thief who is using it to rob noblemen by injuring them, then using the scrying abilities to map the interiors of their mansions.  Ominously, he is being called the Successor to the Cutpurse King.

Glitterthorn:
Damage: 1d6 magical sharp

A beautiful dirk, hilted in ivory and wrapped in red silk, embroidered with gold thread.  The dagger is either found with a glove made of cloth-of-gold, wrapped in fabric or in the hands of a golden statue. 

Once there was a man who desired nothing more than to be wealthy.  All he cared for was gold, his only thought was how he could acquire more wealth.  So he sought out a Genie, who he beseech for a way to quickly obtain treasure.  The Genie who he found, a bored Marid, interrogated the man about what he sought.  After some conversation, it became clear to the Marid that the man was obsessed with wealth, something the Marid found immensely distasteful.  So it lied to the man and offered him a wish, anything his heart should desire.  The man was overjoyed and asked that anything he touched with his belt knife would turn to gold. 

The Marid granted the man his wish, but then when he touched his belt knife to see if it worked, he found his skin started transforming into gold.  And since he couldn't let go, as his hand was now gold, he slowly transformed into a statue of gold, frozen into an expression of horror for all eternity. 

This is a story often told by parents to their children, as a warning against greed.  What most don't know is that this story is actually true (sort of). 

Abilities:

- Any creature who touches Glitterthorn has the outside layer of whatever part of their body touch the dirk turn to gold.  This does not transform all the flesh and tissue, only the skin.  This does 1d4 DEX damage to that creature.  For the creature, they can still move the part of their body that turned partially to gold, but with reduced precision.  This creature also gains a vulnerability to lightning damage. 
- If this reduces a creature's DEX by 1/4, he gains Natural Armor equal to +1d3 FS.  This Armor does not apply if they are wearing regular Armor that protects more than it.  If a creature's DEX is reduced by 1/2, he gains +1d3 more points of Natural Armor.  If a creature's DEX is reduced by 3/4, that creature gains an additional +1d3 points of Natural Armor.  If reduced to 0 DEX, the creature's skin totally turns to gold and the creature is immobilized.  The creature will also suffocate shortly after this occurs, or if they do not need oxygen, die of dehydration or starvation. 

A Stone to Flesh spell can reverse this transformation. 

Glitterthorn is currently in a cave, held in the hands of a golden statue, it's face one of horror, a hand wrapped around it's throat, as if the statue was trying to choke itself.  Any damage to the statue will reveal that underneath a thin skin of gold is a freshly preserved corpse.  The dirk was found by a group of tomb-robbers who, after one of their members turned to gold, abandoned it and him, running for the hills.  They are currently telling wild tales about Glitterthorn in a tavern.  No one believes them, of course.

by wyllora

Violet Ray:
Damage: 1d6 magical sharp

A long, straight dagger with an amethyst set in the hilt and a handle of steel, wrapped in leather.  Touching the dagger will make your hair stand on end and a tiny shock run up your arm.  It smells of ozone, especially after it's used.

Violet Ray once belonged to a famous Wolfman swordswoman by the name of Luza Flash-hand.  Luza was known for two things: her great skill and her blinding speed.  Her feats are numerous, but one of her most famous is the time she was challenged to a duel by a rival.  She accepted and touched blades with her opponent, then a kerchief was thrown into the air and when it landed on the ground, the duel would start.  The second it touched the ground, Luza's sword blurred and her oppoent's sword hand went flying in a spray of crimson.  She asked that the duel by stopped after that.  When her opponent refused, she beheaded him. 

Her opponent's supporters tried to claim that Luza cheated, as she must have attacked before the kerchief hit the ground.  But because it would have been impossible to cut off the sword hand without damaging the body unless her opponent was already drawing his sword, the issue was dropped. 

Another feat of Luza's is that when she and her companions were arrested by the Dwarf Lord Castilo the Vigorous of Vitrossi, also known as Castilo the Tyrannical, they resisted arrest and fled up the tower of the Dwarf Lord, as the way down was blocked.  When the Lord ordered his archers on the walls to fire into the tower when they passed by the tower's balconies, Luza prevented her allies from being hurt by striking the arrows out of the air with whatever she had on her.  Some she even caught with her bare hands.

Eventually though, Luza's career as a swordswoman came to an end when she lost a leg after an ill-fated expedition into the Fangs of Tarraq.  After that, she wisely decided to retire.  She ended up getting married to Vixor Slowtongue, a Wolfman from another tribe who she had known as a child.  It is not known what she saw in him, as Vixor was known for being the most inelegant speaker one could imagine and his martial feats weren't nearly impressive enough to make up for it, or so her other suitors claimed.  Clearly they loved each other, however, as they ended up having 10 children together, spread over three litters.

Abilities:
- 3/Day, the wielder can teleport to the current location of the dagger, appearing in the nearest unoccupied space.  You cannot teleport inside an object, but you can teleport into a space too small to get out of or into a dangerous place, such as if the nearest unoccupied space is off the edge of a cliff.  Whenever a creature uses this to teleport, there is a small booming sound and a flash of violent light. 

Violet Ray is currently in the hands of one of Luza's great-great-great grandchildren, who is a well-meaning but most useless noble who wants to be a hero and will probably get himself killed trying to do that.  He doesn't know what this dagger does, other then it was a family heirloom and that it's magic.  If you save him, something he'll almost certainly need, he might give you the dagger as a gesture of his good-will. 

Magaslave:

Damage: 1d6 magical sharp

A blade of clear glass, with a handle of steel wrapped in vines of silver filigree.  There is also a clear diamond the size of a man's thumbnail set into the hilt.  The blade can be seen through but does not have any of the other qualities of light.  It does not sparkle in the sun, nor does it reflect anything in it like glass usually does. 

Magi are rare among the Dwarves, who are a people that trust only in known quantities- the strength of stone, iron and blood.  These things can be quantified and measured.  The fickleness of sorcery does not appeal to them.  This is also a fact compounded by the fact that Dwarves do not have many among their ranks who possess magical talent, meaning that they must often rely on hired outsiders if they wish to utilize it.  The only caste among the Dwarves where magical talent is common is fond among their royalty, but even Dwarven princes are too rare and valuable to waste on something as untrustworthy as magic. 

As such, the Dwarven nobility and their bureaucratic handlers are always on the lookout for new counters to the Magi commanded by their rivals.  This was the case for the Queendom of Shiar, a small nation ruled by an imperious Queen and her obsequieous sons.  One day, one of their artisans, Yoto the Mad of Shiarota, created a magical knife.  He presented this to the Queen's viziers, who at first found the knife to be only a curiosity.  But when Yoto explained the true purpose of his knife, he was not believed.  So in response, he asked for permission to have the Court Magi, an outsider, swear an oath while holding the knife.  The Magus agreed, but when he swore to only obey Yoto, he found he was suddenly compelled to obey Yoto.  Yoto ordered him to slaughter the Viziers.  The Magus did so.  After the Viziers were dead, Yoto asked them what they thought of his creation. 

The Viziers were dead, but Yoto insisted they were very impressed with what he had done.  So Yoto took over governing duties as Prime Vizier and had more knives manufactured, using them to enslave those with magical talent and turn them into living weapons.  He used these weapons to great effectiveness, using them to launch wars of conquest against Shiar's neighbors, all at the behest of his brother Viziers, whose corpses continued to occupy their seats of judgement, even after their flesh had rotted away, leaving nothing but yellowed bone. 

And unfortunately for all involved, Yoto was not only an inventor of superb skill, but he proved an able general, winning battle after battle.  He might have been able to conquer the entire Rejikari Plains, if he had not been stopped by the Hoba hero Nimble Dick Okrim, who disguised himself as a peddler seeking to sell fine devilweed to the Viziers.  But when he met Yoto, he told Yoto that he was actually his brother, Slippery Jon.  Yoto was somehow convinced of this and told everyone that he was actually this new Slippery Jon.  This, however, had the side effect of breaking the control Yoto had over his Maga-slaves, as they had sworn only to obey Yoto.  And due to some clever arguing, Nimble Dick convinced them that they didn't have to obey anymore, and after stealing one of the magical knifes, had them renounce their oaths. 

He then took his "brother" away and the fledgling empire collapsed overnight, Shiar declining but managing to survive thanks to the negotiations conducted by Nimble Dick's allies, including the Dwarf Hero and honorary Prince, Garoz the Magnanimous of Hijol.    

While most of them were destroyed, at least 9 Magaslaves are said to still exist in the world.  They all have the same name and the same origin, though none have ever been able to repair or recreate them since Nimble Dick and "Slippery Jon" disappeared into the pages of history.  

Abilities:
- If you look through the glass blade at a creature, if that creature can cast spells or use magic, that creature will be bathed in an aura of light.  Non-spellcasters do not have auras around them.  Referee's Discretion applies on what counts as magical. 
- If a spellcaster is within 100' of the blade, the diamond on the hilt glows pale blue. 
- If a spellcaster makes a promise, vow or oath while touching any part of the blade, hilt or any other part of Magaslave, that oath becomes binding to the spellcaster, who finds it impossible to break his oath.  This only applies to the explicit wording of the oath and as long as the spellcaster could interpret an action as being within the letter of the oath, then he may make this action. 
- A spellcaster who is touching any part of the blade, hilt or any part of Magaslave may also remove any oath they have sworn using Magaslave or one of it's sisters.  

A criminal in a nearby city has stumbled upon a Magaslave he found while panning for gold and used it to enslave a Magi's apprentice, who was out looking for rare mushrooms.  He is currently using this fairly unimpressive caster to butcher his way to the top of the criminal underworld.  No one knows why this Magi is following this former nobody, but many people are eager to find out.  Some will even pay handsomely for it.

by wakey

Crimson Bride:
Damage: 1d8 magical sharp

A large skinning knife, with a knotched blade and a weathered handle.  The blade doesn't appear special in any way, except for the aura of malice it seems to exude.  Just seeing the blade is enough to spread goosebumps down the back of most people's necks.  Touching it will send shivers up their spine.  Having it wielded against them will not inflict a fear effect, but it is still unnerving, especially if they know what the knife does. 

The Demoness Vicala was known for her cruelty and wrath, though such things are common among creatures like her.  She was often summoned to our world to slay specific targets or perform other services.  She was especially skilled at causing mass death and sowing chaos.  But one Magi, a Chaos Sorcerer by the name of Telek fell in love with her.  He wanted to possess her, but knew she would never look at him the way he did.  So he chose to do something risky, but in his mind, this was the only way he could get the Demoness to notice him. 

So Telek summoned Vicala and then, while she was trapped, sealed her inside a knife he had specifically prepared.  This trapped her in the material world and, Telek hoped, would force her to acknowledge him.  And at first, it seemed to work.  She raged at him, demanding to be released, promising great rewards if he freed her or terrible punishments if he refused.  Telek was satisfied with this at first, because even being hated is better than being ignored.  But then Vicala went silent.  Telek took this as another tactic as first.  But then the silence continued.  For days, then weeks, then months, Telek heard nothing.  She would not hear him.  He began to despair and fell into a malaise.

Eventually, in his desperation, Telek gave the blade to someone else, in the hopes that new company might provoke a response from Vicala.  And it did.  The new holder of the knife, Telek's apprentice, began to feel things he had never felt before.  He became murderously obsessed with one of the serving girls at the tavern he often frequented, so much so that he took to stalking her.  Eventually, his obsession grew to the point where he kidnapped and murdered her, using the blade to cut her down.  He was swiftly caught and hung, but not before the authorities discovered the fact that the weapon Telek had made radiated foul energy. 

Telek soon found himself arrested and was tried for 'creation of an instrument of red murder'.  Telek denied the charge all the way to the gallows, claiming he did everything he did for love.  Soon after he was hung, plans were made to dispose of the magical knife Telek had created.  When those charged with such a duty searched for the knife, they found it had disappeared from the safe it had been stored in, leaving no trace that it had ever been there.  Since then, the blade has often appeared in the hands of murderers and hired killers, who have used it to great effectiveness.  It's reputation is dark and just being known as the wielder of the blade can provoke fear in some.                    

Abilities:

- If the user wishes, after injuring someone with Crimson Bride, the wielder can make that creature's wounds spray out a shower of blood which transforms into a storm of bloody needles that force all creatures within 30' to save.  On a failed save, those creatures take 1d6+X damage, where X is that creature's HD.  A successful save halves the damage.  If a creature is carrying a shield, that grants advantage on the save.  The wielder of Crimson Bride and the creature injured by the attack take no damage from this ability.
- 3/Day, the user can, after injuring a creature with Crimson Bride, cause that creature to take 1d8 necrotic damage and regain that much HP.  This cannot reduce a creature below 0 HP, nor be used in conjunction with
- Every time the wielder kills a creature with Crimson Bride or uses one of the above ability, there is an X-in-20 chance that the Crimson Bride shows up.  This chance starts at 1-in-20 and increases by 1 per creature killed by the knife or each time one of the above abilities is used.  For example, if the wielder kills two creatures and uses an ability once, then that creature must make a d20 roll with no modifiers.  If the creature rolls a 3 or below on a d20, then the Crimson Bride arrives. 

Vicala, The Crimson Bride is a powerful Demoness with the following abilities:
- She can create a body of blood and water and cannot be hurt by non-magical items or anything that could not harm a being mostly composed of water.  She is still affected by holy and magical things. 
- She can blast high pressure blasts of water or blood at creatures that can be strong enough to cut through metal and stone or just strong enough to blast creatures backwards
- She can flow through small spaces such as pipes or under doors, anywhere water could pour through. 
- She can heal herself by drinking spilled blood or ripping it out of living things, CON save to resist 
- She will remain until she has killed everything intelligent reach or for 1d10 minutes.  For each intelligent creature she kills she can stay for 1 more minute.

Crimson Bride is currently in the hands of an assassin by the name of Samar the Merciful, a man whose professionalism and competence is only matched by his cruelty.  Samar kills for money when he needs it, but his true passion is for young, beautiful boys who he kills and skins.  The players don't know it, but he is where they are and is preparing for his next kill.      

Moonrazor:
Damage: 1d6 magical sharp

A blade made of heavy lead with a small, pale stone set into the hilt.  The handle is wrapped in plain, worn leather.  It is a plain, unassuming weapon.  When in moonlight, it transforms, the blade turning dark as night with a diamond bright edge, the pale stone glowing faintly, pulsing like a baleful eye.  The leather becomes a pale, silver-white cloth that is impossibly soft and fine, yet far stronger than even the thickest silk.

The story of the Emperor of Great Sorrow, the 79th Orzanian Emperor, is a great tragedy.  It details a story of how a powerful, influential and kind man was ultimately destroyed by misfortune and suffering, leading to him taking his own life out of grief.  Most use this story as an explanation of the lot of man in life, and how they are mere puppets of fate and the Gods and how even the mightiest have little control over destiny.  Imperial historians love to write about him and embellish about his life, the greatest of his household and the Empire as a whole, then lavish tragedy and woe upon the Emperor.  The truth, however, is much less clean and in some ways, more tragic. 

The true story begins as the false one does- the Emperor is taking tea in his garden when he is approached by three women, one wearing a peasant's smock, one dressed as a maid and one dressed as a Queen of an unknown land.  These women then asked him a series of questions.  In the fictional accounts, they each ask him a riddle, but he fails to answer each one, as each one is impossible to know.  For example, "How many hairs are on the head of the babe that was born three months ago in the small town of Kibeth, beneath a plum tree?"  But in truth, it was one question, albeit one that was far more impossible to answer.  The questions were "Who is most beautiful among us?" and "Who is most deserving of your affections?"  This was a difficult question to answer, and not because of the women's varying statuses.  Or perhaps, it was. 

For the Emperor of Great Sorrow, then known as the Emperor of Golden Plenty, was gifted with the ability to see beyond the Veil.  As such, he could see he was not faced with three ordinary women, but with Lady Tezika, one of his own Goddesses, a Noble Fire Elemental from the Solar Court and Mab, Faerie Queen of Winter, Air and Darkness.  So he tried to assuage them, praising them all and claiming he was unworthy of each of them.  To prove they did desire him, the three women plied him with gifts. 

Lady Tezika gave him a golden cup that if he wished it, would fill with any beverage he sought, no matter how impossible.  She also promised him that she was the most capable lover of the ones that had come before, lavish galas thrown in his honor and abundance for his people.  The Fire Noble gave him a suit of mail forged of star-metal that could heal itself and enhance his physical prowess and promised him that the Sun would look favorably upon him all the days of his life, never burning him, nor abandoning him during winter.  Mab gave him a knife made of lead and wood, saying it would enable him to reach any enemy and escape their notice as long as he was within her domain.  She made no further promises, but swore that she would win. 

The Emperor refused these gifts, knowing that to accept was foolish.  So the women left their gifts behind and left in a rage.  The next year, there was an incident at every party or ceremony that the Emperor attended, nearly killing him each time.  The year after that brought a severe drought and lack of rain, leading to great suffering among the Emperor's people.  The year after that, a horrible winter froze many in their homes and wolves and the Folk drew closer then they had in a generation. 

Each time he was beset by a crisis, the Emperor attempted to apologize.  Each time, the woman responsible refused to hear him.  So finally, after the three years, the Emperor was approached by the three women again, each one bearing a more lavish gift than before.  They asked him for an answer to their questions and in reply, the Emperor told them he would answer them in the morning.  For the time being, he must rest and consider, as well as inform the rest of his wives.  The women retreated to give him his space. 

The next day, gongs were rung and sacrifices were made.  The Emperor was dead!  Rumors of assassins and conspiracy swirled for years to come, but they were never true.  The Emperor had taken his own life, just as the courtiers and his successor said.  No one knows what the three women thought of this turn of events.  But it is said that while Lady Tezika was reluctant to bless anything in the capital for almost two decades and the summers that followed for almost five years were unseasonably hot, an ice sculpture of the Emperor of Great Sorrows was found in the garden next winter.  It had the words "Well Played" carved into it's chest.     

Abilities:
- Moonrazor's abilities only work if it is bathed in moonlight or has been within the last hour.  It's abilities also don't work when the sun is up or in a place where moonlight cannot reach.  Magical items or substances that create light indistinguishable to the moon (such as Mondmilch from Veins) also work to activate Moonrazor.  When it has been bathed in moonlight within the last hour, Moonrazor's state is referred to as 'Empowered'.
- When empowered, the user of Moonrazor can turn invisible as a free action.  They turn visible if they make a strenuous action (requiring a check equal to more than half of one of their ability scores), making an attack or if exposed to sunlight, including sunlight created by spells or magic items. 
- When empowered, the user of Moonrazor can, as an action, squeeze through any space too small for his body to ordinarily fit through, as long as it is big enough for that creature to fit the blade of Moonrazor into the gap.  This can include such things as under a door, through a keyhole, between prison bars, etc.

The gifts of the three women were stored in a vault beneath the Imperial Palace until after a particularly lean year, they were sold to pay for some of the Throne's expenditures.  The dagger, named Moonrazor, ended up in the hands of a wealthy adventurer who is currently hunting for the strongest villain harassing the party at the moment.

by u/shrcat on Reddit

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

OSR: A Giant Revision (part 3)

This is part 3 of my series on Giants.  Here is Part 1 and Part 2.

by Chris Rahn

Cloud Giants:

Number Appearing: 1d3 + 1d8 servants (see below)
Alignment: Lawful Evil
Languages: The Lingua Franca and Giantish, plus 1d4+1 ancient languages
Treasure: Strange alchemical mixtures, potions and equipment used in magical experimentation.  Also, spell books and scrolls containing spells. 

The Cloud Giants are the greatest of the Giants, or so they say.  The Imperial Cult teaches that they were created from the brain of the Dragon-Mother, which is why they are so smart and magically talented, but also completely insane.  This is their explanation for why Cloud Giants act the way they do, which seems completely bizarre to someone without context.  Southerners from the frigid lands beyond the Cold Gates tell it differently.  They say the bizarre behavior of the Cloud Giants is fuelled by resentment.  The Cloud Giants are the weakest Giant race and thus wish to exterminate their brethren so that they can be the only Giants left on the Earth. 

The truth is, as always, more complicated.  It is true that the Cloud Giants do occasionally descend on their brothers and obliterate them with storm-cannons and unnatural weather events, but this is not to destroy their brothers, but to enforce the rule of the Cloud Giants.  All other races of Giant, with the exception of the Frost Giants, bow in service to the Cloud Giants. 

The Cloud Giants are the progenitors of much of current Giant culture.  They created and enforce the Ordning, a code of ethics and law that explain and order everything from the religious to the utterly mundane.  This legal code is byzantine, utterly enormous as it grew over the centuries from relatively comprehensive to gargantuan.  It contains rules from how to properly wash your hands and bathe, to whether or not it is okay to wear shoes to bed to how to butcher and prepare meat.  But the most important parts of the Ordning are this: that the Cloud Giants rule and that the Giant race is to be preserved.  Securing and protecting fellow Giants is considered the highest priority, above everything else.  This means that almost any action, no matter how cruel, is justified in the pursuit of that goal. 

According to certain Cloud Giant scholars, one Giant is worth the equivalent of 10,000 smallfolk, while others propose larger numbers.  Still others argue that it is a meaningless comparison, as the Smallfolk are essentially animals and to compare them to Giants in any way is a sin.  That being said, the Ordning does not explicitly demand the subjugation of the Smallfolk- that is a note of culture exclusive to the Fire Giants.  The Cloud Giants generally argue that unless Smallfolk impose themselves on Giants or otherwise trouble their betters, they are to be left alone.  That doesn't mean Giants should help them, that is unacceptable, but like a child sitting on the edge of a well, they are to be neither pushed in nor pulled away.

Meanwhile, the Cloud Giants police the rest of their brethren to ensure that not only the Ordning is followed, but so that the catastrophe of the Storm Giants is never repeated. 

Statblock Changes:


Damage Threshold: 8

Innate Spellcasting: Cloud Giants have Mana Dice equal to their HD.  They do not cause Chaos on rolls of doubles or triples, though their dice do burn out on a 5 or 6.  They can cast one spell as an action.  Cloud Giants know the spells April Showers, Cloud Control, Feather, Fogbank, Incapacitating Grip and Meteor Guard.

Cloud-Walker: Cloud Giants can walk on clouds, fog, smoke or airborne dust as if it was solid ground to them.

New Spell:

Cloud Control
------------------------------------------------------------------
R: [dice] miles        T: [dice] clouds        D: [dice] hours

The caster can select up to [dice] clouds.  These clouds take on the shape that the caster wishes over a period of 2[dice] minutes.  The clouds will maintain this shape until the duration ends or someone else casts a spell of equal or larger [dice] to change them.

If cast with 4 or more [dice], the effect is permanent unless someone attempts to modify the clouds with magic.     

by Mist XG

Servants of the Cloud Giants:

1d6

1- Claymen.  Crude constructs made of soft clay.  Resemble a child's toy, with large eyes and faces painted on.  Can mold and shift themselves into new shapes.  Obedient, servile and fearless.  Have no minds of their own, despite appearances.  Can easily be chopped or smashed into bits, but will just flow back together.  Fire is the only way to truly destroy them, by fusing them into a solid mass. 
2- Harpies.  For some reason, the horrific screeching of a Harpy's song seems to please the ears of the Cloud Giants, who often keep them as valued servants or pets.  The distinction is usually lost on the Giants and the Harpies seem unaware that they are being condescended to, or they just don't care. 
3- Bound Spirits.  Cloud Giants often summon lesser spirits and bind them into service.  They rarely summon Demons, Angels or Noble Spirits, as such creatures are generally too independent and dangerous to be useful.  These spirits usually resent their bondage but are often powerless to escape on their own.
4- Lab Assistants.  Generally Smallfolk with magical expertise, these humanoids were long leather aprons, thick gloves and goggles to protect themselves from toxic fumes and chemical spills. They carry a variety of horrible potions and chemicals that they throw at people, or know how to cast spells as a level 1 Wizard. 
5- Doom Eyes.  Cloud Giants seem fascinated by these horrid birds, letting them roost in their lairs and using their precognitive abilities to the Giant's advantage. 
6- A Cloud Giant.  In particular, a Cloud Giant who looks very similar to the more dominant Cloud Giant.  Is it just your unfamiliarity with the species or are they actually, identical?  No, it couldn't be...

by Krassimir Mercier

Cloud Giant Battle-Lord: 

To be a Cloud Giant is to take responsibility, for not just oneself, but for the curses poured out onto the Giant race.  It was not the fault of the Cloud Giants, but they still take it upon themselves to understand how the curses changed their race and how they could be alleviated.  This is a task countless Cloud Giants have dedicated themselves to and while progress has been made, much of it has only created more problems. 

A good example is the Frost Giants.  Their skin burned at even weak sunlight, so they fled north, where the Sun's dominion was non-existent.  Yet there they froze in droves, nearly driving an entire part of the Giant race to extinction.  The Cloud Giants intervened, modifying their brother's children through their magicks, allowing them to survive in the brutal cold.  But were the Frost Giants grateful?  No, they continued their vendetta, blaming the Cloud Giants for the arrogance of their former masters, as well as for the gift that allowed them to survive.

The Hill Giants were consumed by ravenous hunger, so the Cloud Giants taught them magic so they could create food and not strip the land bare.  Yet while this allowed the Hill Giants to survive, they instead became extremely sophisticated in their tastes.  Before, they ate everything in sight to sustain their ravenous appetites.  But now, with an abundance of food, they could become far choosier in their meals.  The Cloud Giants abandoned their experiments shortly after, which led to most of the knowledge they sought to impart on their lesser brethren never reaching the Hill Giants, when it wasn't ignored or forgotten.  The Hill Giants today are a bizarre parody of the master's ancient servants, brutish and primitive, with the same sophisticated palette and opinions of highly-trained valets who insist nothing is good enough for their master. 

Perhaps it was only natural that some of the Cloud Giants became frustrated with this scholarly approach.  Instead of dedicating themselves to study and scholarship, they took up the sword and lance.  They sought to enforce order upon the other Giants, to control and guide them, even if the other tribes refused.  This was the beginning of a series of civil wars that not only further weakened the Giant race, but further spread enmity between the tribes.  While formerly, different races of Giants would work together, that is no longer the case.  Now they will only rarely cooperate, even sometimes aiding Smallfolk who seek to harm one of their rivals.

Most of these martial Cloud Giants faded away, calling their mission a failure.  Some withdrew into solitude and isolation, refusing to aid anyone.  Others continue their doomed quests to this day, training, preparing and making ready for the day they will once again unite all of the Giant Tribes under one banner once more.  Then and only then, they tell themselves, will they be able to end the curses plaguing their races and restore the Golden Age of the Giants.     

Statblock Changes:

Damage Threshold: 11 

Innate Spellcasting: Cloud Giants have Mana Dice equal to their HD.  They do not cause Chaos on rolls of doubles or triples, though their dice do burn out on a 5 or 6.  They can cast one spell as an action.  Cloud Giants know the spells Anti-Gravity, Cloud Control, Divine Retribution, Fly, Fogbank, Snow Storm and Meteor Guard.

Giant Test Subject:

Many Cloud Giants study sorcery and the corrupted nature of the Giant race, in an effort to try and remedy the various afflictions their race suffers.  This can result in beneficial effects, but just as often, these experiments can result in horrors and freaks.  Most Cloud Giants will simply describe this as a simple failure, the processes they are experimenting on and meddling with are fiendishly complex and there are no cut-and-dry solutions.  Others, however, share a different opinion.  They argue that the Cloud Giants, despite their own claims, have been affected by the curse that befell the whole Giant race.  But rather than a moral or physical corruption, there's was a mental affliction, a belief that they alone were the saviors of their race, an ingrained messiah complex that all Cloud Giants can fall victim to.  A belief that not only are they the only ones who can save their people, but that they alone are pure and untainted. 

And if one has seen some of the horrors these scholars produce in their laboratories, the gruesome experiments some of them conduct, you might have to agree.  Many a Cloud Giant has fled their laboratory in horror of what their work has created, or abandoned a facility after their test subjects died on the slab, leaving behind toxic brews of chemicals, ancient, nigh-incomprehensible scribblings and rotting carcasses or worse, freakish organisms that if freed, might die in minutes.  That is if they, or you, are lucky. 

Some of these facilities might have been abandoned less willingly.  Some are destroyed by the experiments conducted there, the forces the Cloud Giants scholars unleashed too powerful even for them to control.  Others may have been destroyed by rival Cloud Giants who felt the work going on there was unethical and perverse, or perhaps by a group of Frost or Fire Giants, seeking revenge or a new weapon to make war with. 

Despite all that, the Cloud Giants insist that they do what they do out of concern for their brethren.  Though their methods may seem clue, they are the only method through which the Giant race might obtain salvation. 

The Cloud Giant's Test Subjects and their Maladies:

1d8

1- Three severed Giant Heads, kept alive through an elaborate machine that pumps fresh blood into their stumps and removes it.  All conscious and suffering the agony of an entire body's worth of phantom limb pain.  The Giant's minds have merged into a collective consciousness which dominates their individual souls.  The heads have the power to read minds, communicate telepathically and dominate the minds of weaker creatures.  They can also fire psychic blasts that stun or harm, but cannot kill.  They long for an end to their pain and to be healed.  The original consciousnesses of the Giants are still in there and long to die, but the collective consciousness prevents them from taking suicidal actions, as it can only exist in this current state.
2- A seemingly normal Hill Giant that randomly teleports to different planes.  Every 1dX [1= 1d10 minutes; 2= 1d6 hours; 3= 1d3 days; 4= 1d4 weeks] the Giant has a 50% of teleporting to another plane of existence.  He will remain there for an equal amount of time before teleporting back to an occupied space 1d4 [1= 1d20'; 2= 1d100'; 3= 1d6 miles; 4= 1d4 leagues] from his original point of departure.  He
3- A floating cloud of organs, muscle and bone that shimmers in and out of view.  This is actually a Fire Giant with transparent skin and eyes.  It is blind and upset with the world.  Largely impotent unless you get too close to him. 
4- A Giant Chimera.  It's actually three different Giants, their torsos spliced together and their limbs shuffled about their new body.  All three of the Giants retain their original minds and dislike each other, but not so much that they refuse to work together.  All three wish to be separated and secretly fear that the others would kill the others if it meant to separating them would be easier. 
5- A Frost Giant that has a dozen angry ghosts bound to it's body through the use of the runes and symbols carved into it's chtininous exoskeleton.  The ghosts want to be free and hurt the Giant, but both are currently impossible for them, so they take out their aggression on anything around them, engaging in violent poltergeist activity and frightening people to vent their frustrations.  The Giant spends his time avoiding others in the hopes that his curse will prevent him from hurting anyone. 
6- A Giant that constantly grows in size and mass.  This allows him to regenerate from almost any injury, but if he has no injuries, he will continue growing.  He will eventually grow other appendages including new limbs, heads, etc.  He prevents this by carving off bits of his body and disposing of the meat in whatever way he can. 
7- An enormous Ooze, controlled not by an Artificer's Juju, but by a Giant's brain encased in a protective shell.  The Giant can 'see' through it's new slime body and control the slime via it's telepathic commands.  The shell that contains it's brain enables this, as well as preventing the acidic slime from dissolving it's brain.
8- The skin of a Cloud Giant stretched over an iron frame, so much so that it is even ripping in places.  The creature's eyes are artificial and it's mouth is sewn shut.  It is a horrific fusion of flesh and metal.  Cannot speak, but is in constant, agonizing pain.  If threatened, emits an ear-splitting sound that bursts ear drums and causes internal damage that is usually fatal.      
    
Cloud Giant Plot Hooks:

1d10

1- A group of Hill Giants are oppressing a village, which has drawn the presence of a band of soldiers who have come to remove them.  But the soldiers are acting strangely.  They are currently engaged in a massive party and seem to be all intoxicated, though they don't have any alcohol.  Secretly, they've been drugged by a Cloud Giant who is conducting an experiment.  Find a cure for the soldier's ailments before the Hill Giants slaughter/eat them all.
2- A Hill Giant shaman has transformed a small hill into a massive pancake and his brethren are feasting on it and the scavengers who come to try and steal some of their meal.  The Cloud Giant Battle-Lord who has come to monitor the situation has decided that this Shaman's ability could benefit him and his battle-brothers, so he plans on kidnapping the Shaman and stealing his power, or convincing him to work for them.  He plans to do this by sending his mortal servants to stir up trouble and blame it on the Hill Giants.  Hopefully, they will send adventurers and then he will be able to exploit the chaos. 
3- A Fire Giant warband is marching through Smallfolk lands, killing and burning as they please.  A Cloud Giant has decided that the City they are approaching is too dangerous for them to try and assault and thus sent his servants to inform the City's leadership that he is going to destroy the City in three days.  You are hired by this City's King, who asks you to find out how the Giant plans to do this and stop him.
4- A scholarium of Sages has been surrounded by a group of Cloud Giant Battle-Lords who have demanded the Sages build them a terrible magical weapon.  They are willing to wait and fetch the materials needed, but the Sages cannot leave until the weapon is finished.  The Sages have asked for your help in recquisitioning the necessary materials and also, helping them escape, hopefully without drawing the Cloud Giant's ire.
5- A Magi wants you to break into the laboratory of a Cloud Giant and steal something valuable, dangerous and/or magical.  The Cloud Giant has left on a trip recently, so if you hurry, you can be in and out before the master returns.  Just avoid the booby-traps, servants and other counter-measures the Giant has no doubt left behind. 
6- A Demon has been sending dreams to people in a nearby village, demanding they free it from the lab of a Cloud Giant.  The Demon tells the truth when it reveals that the Cloud Giant has it working on something awful that would certainly be a pox on all those in the village.  But foiling this plan might mean freeing the Demon, which could be just as bad. 
7- A group of Frost Giants approach a migratory tribe and demand the help of that tribe's warriors.  They are planning on assaulting a Cloud Giant's stronghold and need someone to sneak in and scout it out for them.  In exchange, the Frost Giants will not eat the tribe.  If a bunch of powerful adventurers intervene, they might be willing to offer other treasures, such as several tons of frozen whalemeat, the location of a treasure that is useless to the Frost Giants, etc.
8- An enormously powerful monster is rampaging across the landscape.  A Cloud Giant is concerned that the Frost Giants who live nearby might try to hunt it, which could be dangerous to them. As such, he is going to redirect the monster away from them.  This will lead the monster toward a port city full of innocent Smallfolk.  The Cloud Giant doesn't particularly care about them, but he will be willing to let you try to kill the monster.  You have one week to do so before the Cloud Giant tries his plan.  The Frost Giants are unaware of this and would hate the Cloud Giant meddling in their lives. 
9- A Cloud Giant is attempting an experiment.  This experiment is to see if he can fix the Giant's corrupted blood through interbreeding with other species.  To do this, he has directed his servants to steal a number of Smallfolk children and modify them to slowly grow them to Huge size and accelerate their maturity so they can reach breeding age faster.  That way, when they are old enough, they can be used as test subjects.  You don't know this.  Free the children before it's too late.   
10- You find a Cloud Giant preparing to test an incredibly powerful magical device.  However, if the device is activated, it could endanger the town in the valley below.  The Cloud Giant doesn't understand your objections to this and is planning to go ahead with the test anyway.

Storm Giants: 

No one knows where they went, or if they were even real.  Many Smallfolk scholars argue that there the so-called "lost tribe" of the Giants simply never existed.  They are either mythological/religious construction or were a rank awarded to the ancient ruling class of the Giants.  The similarities between Cloud and Storm Giants is obvious.  Both were said to possess the ability to mold creatures and change them, both were said to possess powerful magical abilities and both lived much longer than other Giants.  In addition, the Storm Giants were also said to be the rulers of the Giant race, uncontested by any others. 

Yet the first camp argues that while the Cloud Giants are generally loathed or ignored by their kinsmen, the Storm Giants are almost always described favorably as the benevolent rulers of the Giant race, while the Cloud Giants are tyrants.  Some cite accounts that say the Cloud Giants overthrew the Storm Giants and destroyed them as stories that might have been influenced by local religion's accounts of older pantheons of Gods being defeated by a people's current divinities.  For example, the Thousand-Faced-God and the Voice of the Sea were two ancient religions that only survive in the accounts of those who defeated them.  The Thousand-Faced-God was said to be the religion of the Orzane's cruel oppressors, who worshiped a God that spoke through a thousand identical priests who hid their faces and had the ability to hear the thoughts of the unfaithful.  They were also said to be able to control the Orzane through vile magicks, stealing their will and making them puppets. 

This religion was eventually destroyed by the Emperor of Shining Glory, who was said to have been blessed by the Gods to be immune to their psychic manipulations and thus, they were powerless to defeat him.  Some say this might have inspired the legends the Giants tell, while others argue for the other way around.  None of the scholars who argue this, are, of course, imperial historians. 

Yet the Storm Giants were very real.  After the First Age ended in the death of the Dragon-Mother at the hands of Marzan (or so the Orzane claim) the world was remade.  During this time, the Gods hid in Heaven and failed to man the Gates, which permitted many horrors from the Beyond to invade the world.  These creatures oppressed the peoples of the world and made them their slaves.  They also set about modifying the world to make it suit their liking more.  These horrible monster-cults and alien religions ruled for only a brief moment before they were demolished by the Giants, who emerged from their shelters carved into the Earth, hanging in the sky or concealed beyond the Veil to conquer the world.  Armed with immense physical size, supreme magical might and their own incredible brilliance, they defeated the invaders and cast them back into the Dark. 

From there, the Giants set about building their own civilization.  They erected a glorious Empire, one that encompassed the entire known world and was unrivaled in it's power, culture and prosperity.  The level of comfort and safety enjoyed by it's citizens, Smallfolk and Giant alike, has not been equaled yet in the millennia that has since passed.  Yet even as they soared to never-before-seen heights, the leaders of the Giants, the Storm Giants, grew unsatisfied.  They had created the greatest civilization since those already distant days when Man and God walked hand-in-hand, yet they still did not have enough. 

Then, one researcher found it.  At first he thought it was an error, but repeated verification produced the same result.  It was a huge energy source, buried deep into the Ground.  No, it was the ground!  The Earth itself was giving off a source of energy, a power that greatly resembled the natural fluctuations of Magic.  If such a field could be tapped, the potential benefits to thaumaturgy, to artifice, to life itself were potentially limitless.  So the Storm Giants resolved to tap this newly discovered source of magical power.

And to their credit, they succeeded.  But all power comes at a price and the price for this power was their entire civilization.  The Storm Giants who first held this power went mad, but they were the lucky ones.  This new-found power destroyed all who touched it, driving them to madness and violence.  Those who did not shortly die afterward were corrupted, twisted into horrific shapes with little to no recollection of what came before them.  These horrors then spread further fear and pain and the arrogance of a few led to the pollution of countless others.  This was the Doom of the Giants, an experiment to benefit the whole world that destroyed the greatest civilization the Second Age has yet seen.

Behirs:

Number Appearing: 1
Alignment: Any Evil
Languages: The Lingua Franca of the region it lives in
Treasure: The weapons, coin and armor left behind from previous victims.  Much of it will need to be repaired before it can be used.   

Behirs are huge, dragon-like creatures that have long, sineous bodies and a number of limbs from six to twelve.  They have wide jaws lined with pointed teeth, though they prefer to swallow prey whole.  They have the ability to blast lightning from their mouths and make it crackle along the metallic spines that sprout in patches on their otherwise smooth, eel-like bodies.

Behirs are intelligent, though driven entirely by base desires, namely food.  They can speak, though rarely do so except to mock and frighten potential prey.  While some are prone to vanity, they are generally far more reasonable than Dragons.  They will be vaguely insulted by any comparisons to Dragons, referring to them as "arrogant lizards".  They will then probably eat you.

Behirs have, on rare occasions, seem making marks on the walls of the tunnels or caves that they inhabit.  Some of the symbols and pictograms they draw seem to resemble humanoid creatures or an ancient language, long distorted by time and the fallibility of memory.  Behirs don't seem to know what these mean, if they think they mean anything.  Most of them regard them with disinterest, while others consider them curiosities with no inherent meaning to them.

It is not uncommon for outlaws and underground groups to try and recruit a Behir for a scheme.  They are strong, much more powerful than most things the authorities are likely to have access to.  Additionally, Behirs are reasonable and relatively easy to bribe, provided you have access to large amounts of meat.  Despite the fact that Behirs are often willing to make such deals, this rarely goes well for those who attempt to strike bargains with them.

Statblock:

Behir
Damage Threshold 8
AR none
Atk Bite (1d12+2 + grapple) + Tail (1d8+2 bludgeoning) Swipe or Crushing Coils
Mor 12
Saves 15 or less
Immune to Lightning Damage

Damage Threshold: Unless an attack does damage that equals or exceeds the Behir's Damage Threshold, ignore it as if it did no damage.  If it does, the Behir loses 1 SHP.  It has SHP equal to it's Damage Threshold.  When it has 0 SHP, it dies.

Helpless Prey: If a creature is grappled through the use of the Bite attack, the Behir can do 1d12 damage to that creature as a free action on his turn in place of a normal Bite Attack. 

Great Jaws: If a Behir has a creature grappled in it's mouth, it can then choose to swallow that creature on it's next turn as a free action.  That creature may attempt to beat the Behir's STR roll with a STR check of it's own, or attempt a DEX check.  If the creature wins, it escapes and is not swallowed.  If the Behir wins, the creature is swallowed.  Swallowed creatures are blinded and grappled and cannot do anything that requires large or precise movements.  They also take 1d6 COG damage and 1d6 acid damage a round as they begin suffocating and dissolving.  If the Behir takes 10 or more damage as the result of an attack, it must save.  On a failed save, the Behir spits up the creature it swallowed.  A Behir can also choose to spit up creatures as a free action on their turns.  

Crushing Coils: A Behir can, on a hit with a Tail attack, force that creature to save.  On a failed save, the creature takes half damage but is grappled and restrained by the Behir's long, sineous body.  The Behir can, as a free action on it's turn, inflict 1d6 CON damage on that creature each round.  If this CON damage reduces a creature to 0 CON, that creature must save or have a heart attack.  On a failed save, that creature dies, though they can possibly be revived with healing magic and alleviating the pressure.   

Tunnel Predator: If you are fighting a Behir in a confined space, such as a tunnel or cave where it's body takes up the majority of space, each round you are next to it's long body you must save.  On a failed save, you take 1d6 bludgeoning damage as it slams you into the walls, floor or ceiling of the cave.  Those grappling the Behir have disadvantage on this attack.

Arc Breath: Once every 1d4 rounds, as an action, a Behir can fire a blast of lightning from it's mouth.  This bolt of lightning does 3d6+X lightning damage, where X is the number of metal items a creature is carrying.  Save for half damage.  Additionally, any creature standing within 10' of the attacked creature who is carrying any metal items is also damaged by the Behir's Arc Breath.  

Tactics:
- Open with Arc Breath, use it to separate enemies
- Grab one with bite attack, chew on them until mostly helpless and then swallow
- Use Crushing Coils and Tunnel Predator to keep enemies at bay until their friend is dead
- Then retreat   

Behir Plot Hooks:

1d4

1- A group of armed squatters/miners have been occupying one of Farmer Yevin's fields for a few weeks.  They found a cave entrance there, rich with gold.  They refuse to leave and refuse to share the profits of the gold, but to Yevin and the local mayor's disappointment.  This has led to a escalating stand-off, but no violence has occurred yet.  Yesterday, one of the squatters disappeared and they are blaming the locals.  Unknown to both parties is that a Behir lives in that cave system below the farmer's field and is taking an opportunity to explore a new hunting ground.
2- A group of bandits have recently become bolder than normal, completing blatant and obvious crimes.  This has attracted the authorities, who have sent multiple squads of lawmen after them, but all have failed to return.  Rumor says the bandit leader wields a magic sword that lets him shoot lightning.  Go and apprehend them.  The truth is that the bandits are actually working with a Behir, who has been eating the lawmen.  Despite the abundance of food coming to it, the Behir doesn't particularly care for the bandits and would eat them just as readily, if they were too inconvenient or it got a better offer.  The bandits don't trust the Behir and most of them are scared of it.
3- An Ogre recently broke into a local shrine and kidnapped a priest, along with every holy artifact that the Ogre could find.  Rescue the Priest.  When you get there, you find that the Ogre wants the Priest to bless his cave to try and drive away the ghost that keeps stealing the Ogre's "family", ie a bunch of travelers he kidnapped and is holding hostage.  The source of these disappearances is not a Ghost, however, but the Behir that keeps gobbling them up in the night.
4- A Chaos Cult have recently been emboldened in their activities because they discovered a Behir that had accidentally tunneled into the catacombs and thought it was a servant of the Dragon-Mother.  The Behir has been pretending to go along with it, promising them it will help them overthrow the city.  At the moment, the Behir is content to order them to bring it sacrifices.  The Red Ruler of the Cult doesn't trust the Behir and rightly so.

from here

Flesh Drakes:

Number Appearing: 1
Alignment: True Neutral
Languages: None
Treasure: Well chewed armor, weapons and other possessions left behind from those it has eaten.  If being kept as a pet or helper, it will wear a collar or harness, perhaps even armor that could be broken down into base materials or sold to a collector. 

Horrible creatures, vaguely humanoid in shape, but stretched to the size of a Dragon and warped into a quadrupedal shape, these monsters live lives of perpetual discomfort and hunger.  Their flesh is naked and elastic, molding around deformed bones with ease, lending them a grotesque appearance.  They look ungainly and revolting, but can move quite quickly.  Their bones also have the ability to soften, allowing these huge creatures to squeeze into spaces far too small for them ordinarily.  They can also reshape their flesh into a variety of different forms, though this process is not instanteous and causes the creature's great pain.

Flesh Drakes vaguely resemble Dragons in body-plan and behavior, though most are no smarter than a Wolf or Dog.  They will behave as beasts, hunting and claiming territory for themselves.  They can be controlled, even tamed by certain creatures with the power, knowledge or lack of sense, though their loyalty is never certain.  They are treacherous beasts, turning on their masters if weakness is ever showed.  Many a confident master has been devoured by his previously docile Flesh Drake, often for no reason that can be ascertained. 

No one is sure where the Flesh Drakes came from.  Some suspect they are the work of Dragons, while others blame Wizards.  Regardless, they are plague upon any who find themselves by one, or worse, attempt to control one. 

Statblock:

Flesh Drake
Damage Threshold 7
AR see below
Atk Fists (1d8+2/1d8+2) or Fist (1d8 + grapple) + Bite (2d6-4)
Mor 16
Saves 14 or less

Damage Threshold: Unless an attack does damage that equals or exceeds a Flesh Drake's Damage Threshold, ignore it as if it did no damage.  If it does, the Flesh Drake loses 1 SHP.  It has SHP equal to it's Damage Threshold.  When it has 0 SHP, it dies.

Thrown Object: As an action, a Giant can throw something large and heavy at a creature.  That creature and any adjacent creatures take 3d6 damage, with a DEX save to take half damage.  Creatures with 16 or more DEX on a successful save take no damage and half on a failed save.

Flesh Drake Plot Hooks:

1d3

1- A Chaos Cult has found a Flesh Drake and has begun using it as a terror weapon.  Find out where they're hiding it and kill it.
2- As above, except you're hired by a Magi who wants you to find out how they control and it and steal it from them.  He wants to study it, or maybe modify it into a living weapon.  But you can trust him, right?
3- A Flesh Drake is running rampant, eating livestock and farmers and generally making a nuisance of itself.  A Cloud Giant wants to capture it, to take it off your hands.  If you help him, he will reward you with a magic item.

artist unknown

Fomorians:

Number Appearing: 1 + 1d20 servants
Alignment: Any Evil
Languages: The Lingua Franca and Giantish plus 1d10 ancient languages
Treasure: Spell scrolls and books, wands and staves, devices to enhance the use of magic as well as magic weapons and items.  You will also find large amounts of alchemical supplies, potions and intricate if highly impractical devices designed to be used in the torture and harvesting of other Giants. 

Imagine a beautiful woman.  She can look like however you imagine, just make her pretty.  Her specific features aren't important.  Then imagine taking a knife to her face and cutting a deep, scarlet gash into her flesh.  Or imagine spraying her with acid, or burning her with fire.  Then, imagine that woman's face after she has been treated, after she has been healed as best as the doctors were able to.  She looks similar to how she did before, yet there are still marks of her injuries.  Worse, there are psychic scars, deeper ones left upon her heart that might never heal.  If you can imagine such a small tragedy, then you can imagine the Fomorians.                          

They know they were great once.  They ruled the world, or so their legends claim.  The details of how exactly that was done are not known to them, though many will claim to have the answer. They were once Gods, but they were rejected.  Cast down by jealous rivals, those unworthy of their gifts and blessings.  These cruel people chose others to follow, tyrants who abused them and treated them like dirt, to be trodden on then scraped off your boots.

Cruelty upon indignity was heaped upon the Fomorians.  They were banished from their homeland and forced into the most desolate parts of the world, forcing them to take shelter on the highest of moutains, the coldests of wastes, the deepest depths of the Earth, where few ever come.  There they hold court, plotting their revenge, planning for the day they will return. 

Fomorians resemble Giants, but twisted and malformed.  They are blighted with mutations, most reptilian or Draconic in appearance.  These are a source of shame for them and most conceal their mutations from others, especially other Giants and Fomorians.  Other then their mutations, though, they resemble Giants.  They are pale-fleshed with hair that is either raven or milk-pale, with eyes of palest blue, red or pure black.  They are physically more powerful to Smallfolk by virtue of their large stature but compared to other Giants or creatures of a similar size they are actually quite weak. 

Fomorians also suffer from a wasting sickness that robs them of much of their vigor.  They cannot exert themselves for long and are rather weak in terms of physical strength.  They cannot work magic or perform any real labor during their spells of weakness.  Over time, these spells will become more sudden and longer-lasting, until they usually lead to the death of the Fomorian, either directly or otherwise.  However, they are not without their strengths.  Fomorians possess great intelligence and magical talent, able to work incredible feats of magic with only a fraction of the effort other creatures, even other Giants might have to exert to produce a similar result. 

Even more fortunately, Fomorians have also discovered a treatment for the wasting sickness.  If a Fomorian drinks the blood of another Giant, that will temporarily invigorate the Fomorian and suppress all symptoms of their sickness.  This leads to the Fomorians seeking out their ungrateful cousins, seeking not only to punish them, but also to feed on them to continue their own tortuous existences.

artist unknown

Statblock:   

Fomorian
Damage Threshold 7
AR varies, see below
Atk varies, see below
Mor 12
Saves 15 (7) or less

Damage Threshold: Unless an attack does damage that equals or exceeds a Fomorian's Threshold, ignore it as if it did no damage.  If it does, the Fomorian loses 1 SHP.  It has SHP equal to it's Damage Threshold.  When it has 0 SHP, it dies.

Giant Weapon: If a Fomorian is fighting with a weapon that is sized for Giants or other large creatures, they get -4 to all Attack rolls against any creature smaller than Large.  On a hit, however, they do not subtract this penalty from the damage rolled.  Fomorians also have weapons used for fighting smaller creatures, but these do not do as much damage.

Thrown Object: As an action, a Fomorian can throw something large and heavy at a creature.  That creature and any adjacent creatures take 3d6 damage, with a DEX save to take half damage.  Creatures with 16 or more DEX on a successful save take no damage and half on a failed save.

Spellcasting: Fomorians have Mana Dice equal to their Damage Thresholds.  Their dice burn out on a 5 or 6 and a roll of doubles or triples triggers a roll on the Chaos table below.  Fomorians know 6 spells.  To see what spells a Fomorian knows, select 6 from your favorite Wizard sub-class or roll 1d6 times a random spell table.  An example spell-list is included below.

Chaos of the Fomorian:
1d6   
           
1- The Fomorian begins bleeding from it's eyes, nose and ears and begins speaking in an ancient language that no one knows.  All creatures, including it's servants, must make a morale check or flee from the Fomorian. 
2- The Fomorian enters a berserker rage, losing all reason and spell-casting ability for 1d4 rounds.  During this time it will only make melee attacks and will attack the last creature that made an attack against it.  It will not be able to use magical abilities or magic weapons and will instead just use them to smash, crush or cut. 
3- The Fomorian begins seeing a hallucination of a monster that isn't there and will attack the hallucination, unless in danger of dying. 
4- The Fomorian becomes frightened and will try to flee from the current situation.  This fear lasts for 1d10 minutes, but each minute that passes, the Fomorian can make a save to end the fear effect early. 
5- The Fomorian loses his next action as he vomits up a cloud of burning ash that fills the air for 15' around him.  Any creature in the ashcloud takes 1d6 fire damage. 
6- The Fomorian immediately transforms into a Flesh Drake.  This change is permanent and irreversible. 

Magic Resistance: Mana-based attacks and abilities are hard to use against Fomorians.  When someone uses one of these against them, there is a 25/100% chance (5 or less on a d20) that the mana-based ability (magic, psychic powers, bio-energy blasts, spell-like ability) or attack does not affect them.  This causes the attack or ability to slip around them and strike the nearest target.  If there is no obvious choice, roll randomly. 

Tactics:
- Send servants forward to gauge enemy strength
- Strike the strongest enemy with a powerful spell
- Use magic to break the group apart
- Pick-off the weakest

To customize a Fomorian, roll on the tables below:

What is this Fomorian protected by?

1d4

1- Armor.  The Fomorian wears 1d4 [1= Mail sized for a Giant.  Increase it's Damage Threshold by 1; 2= Mail with breastplate, bracers and greaves.  Increase it's Damage Threshold by 1d4+1; It wears a suit of ancient powered armor built for Giants.  Increase it's Damage Threshold by 6.  However, the armor has a weakness, if the power cells strapped to the back are damaged, they will explode, doing 2d20 damage to everything within 50'.  This also disables the armor; 4= A form-fitting suit of combat silks, worn by the Storm Giants of legend.  Increase the Fomorian's Damage Threshold by 3.  But this armor has a weakness, as it doesn't protect everything.  If someone rolls a critical hit or takes a penalty to an ordinary hit, they can target an unarmored area, hitting the Fomorian and only having to overcome it's base Damage Threshold.]
2- Magical Wards.  The Fomorian is shielded by magical shields that give it 2d10 temporary HP each round.  This HP must be reduced to 0 before the Fomorian can be damaged.  These wards can be disabled by stealing or destroying the power source.  Alternatively, the wards take double damage to fire. 
3- An Ioun Stone.  The Fomorian has an Ioun Stone orbiting around it's head.  The Ioun Stone causes the Fomorian to regenerate 1 SHP a round and 1/Day, it's magic can be temporarily drained, causing it to stop working but healing the Fomorian for 1d6+1 SHP.  This causes the Ioun Stone to stop functioning and fall to the ground. 
4- A bound Spirit.  The Fomorian has a Spirit that accompanies it in physical form and protects it from injury.  Any attack that the Spirit can see has it's Attack roll reduced by 1d20.  The Spirit cannot hamper attacks it cannot see.   

What weapon does it carry?

1d4

1- A Magi's Staff.  The Staff is huge, sized for a Giant.  It is made of the wood of an enormous tree and topped with a white quartz crystal wrapped in gold wire.  The Fomorian can use the staff to make 1 melee attack that does 2d10 bludgeoning but is made at disadvantage against any creature smaller than Large.  Alternatively, it can fire 2 blasts of magic from the staff that do 1d12 radiant damage to any creature they strike.  Both of these blasts require an attack roll. 
2- A Wand and a Whip.  The Fomorian can make 1 whip attack that does 1d10 damage on a hit and grapples any creature it hits.  The Wand lets it fire two blasts that do 1d8 damage of a random elemental type (roll before the start of the battle).  These blasts still require an attack roll.  The Fomorian can also forgo the whip attack and fire a concentrated blast from the wand, doing 2d8 damage on a hit. 
3- A shapeshifting Living Weapon.  The blade is made of enchanted metal that is the "body" of the spirit that inhabits/Is the blade.  The Spirit will change itself into a form that is inconvenient to the wielder, such as turning into a trident to fight someone with a sword and shield, unless a contract is made with it.  In exchange for 1d4 [1= Ritual sacrifice offered in it's name at regular interval; 2= The murder of it's previous wielder/the descendants of the same; 3= The regular composition of songs and poems praising the weapon and it's various virtues, as well as the performance of the same; 4= Being allowed to have sex with the wielder in dreams and bear children with them, as well as the raising and care of those children until they are fully grown] the Living weapon will protect the wielder and 3/Day, will transform into any form that the wielder wishes.  The Living Weapon can only take the form of weapons with no moving parts (with the exception being bows and crossbows).  Think T-1000 rules.  The Fomorian uses the Living Weapon to make 1 attack that does 2d10 damage.  The weapon is agile enough that is prevents the Fomorian from suffering disadvantage on it's attacks on Medium or smaller creatures.       
4- A magic sword.  The sword is called Nightscream and is made of stygian metal.  Nightscream gives the wielder, 3/Day, the ability to cloak themselves in shadows to gain bonuses to stealth, sneaking and hiding.  In dim light, Nightscream's wielder is all but unnoticeable.  1/Day, the wielder can also teleport, jumping into one shadow that they can touch and appearing out of another they can see.  Nightscream's powers do not work in perfect darkness or in direct sunlight.  Nightscream is sized for humans, so the Fomorian is using it like a dagger.  The Fomorian uses Nightscream to make 2 attacks that do 1d10+4 sharp damage.     

What Spells does the Fomorian know?

(This is an example)

Dimension Door
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R: touch    T: [dice] creatures    D: one action

Up to [dice] creatures you touch, counting yourself as one of the creatures, can teleport up to 30*[dice]'.

Fireball
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
R: 50'         T: 10*[dice]' diameter circle        D: 1 action     

All within the targeted area take [sum] fire damage, save for half.

Malignant Portal
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
R: 30'        T: a flat surface within range        D: [dice] rounds

You create a portal on a flat surface that begins sucking up everything near it.  Everything within 10*[dice]' begins to feel suction as if a creature with a STR score equal to [sum] (maxing out at 19(+4)) is pulling on it.  Any creature that fails to resist this pull is sucked off their feet and into the portal.  The portal also pulls in loose objects, air, gases in the atmosphere, and etc.  Note that the caster also knows that whatever ends up going through that portal is probably gone forever.

But in case you do end up falling through it...

Where does this Portal lead to?
1d8

1- Sheol.  The grey, sunless land of the dead, where the dead walk through the wastes forever, occasionally being hunted by unimaginable monsters and each other.
2- The Sun.  This isn't instantly fatal.  You arrive in the golden offices of the Burning Bureaucracy, the heart of the Elemental Court of Fire.  You are likely to be instantly arrested and seized as you will stick out like sore thumbs, but if you manage to escape that, you will find the Sun has parks and taverns and cities.  The only long term problem you might have is finding food.  Being arrested might not even be a bad thing, as you might be able to convince the Pyrocrats or the Sultan  to send you back. 
3- The Moon.  The moon is covered in strange forests and red oceans.  It is mostly humid and tropical, with the exception of the poles, which are quite cold.
4- The Veins of the Earth.  Enjoy starving to death forty miles below ground.  Also, read the book if you haven't.
5- A parallel universe.  Nothing seems different at first.  Soon you might realize that this is not your world.  Or maybe you won't.  Who knows?
6- Heaven.  The Domain of the Law Gods.  It's not full of mortal souls, but the Law Gods, their Angels and their Celestial Bureaucrats.  A really swanky place, but if they catch you, they will send you back.
7- The middle of the wilderness.  You have no idea where you are.
8- New York City.  The air is warm and the sky is blue, but everything else looks different.  The roads are paved in solid slabs instead of individual stones and there are metal towers that reach halfway to Heaven it seems.  You have no idea what to make of this place.  

Prismatic Ray
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R: 50'        T: [dice] creatures    D: one action

Fires [dice] rays at up to [dice] targets.  Each ray requires an attack roll.  On a hit, each ray does 1d6+[dice] damage.  To determine what ray is fired, roll 1d8, rerolling duplicates.  All additional effects last [dice] minutes.

What ray is fired?
1d8
1- Red.  Does fire damage.  All hit by this are set on fire and take 1d6 damage a round until they take an action to put out the fire.
2- Orange.  Does necrotic damage.  All hit by this must save or age 1d6+[dice] years.
3- Yellow.  Does radiant damage.  Undead, enemies of the Court of Fire or those hated by the Sun take double damage.
4- Green.  Does acid damage.  All hit by this must save or go insane for [dice] minutes.
5- Blue.  Does cold damage.  All hit by this are trapped in a thin shell of ice and cannot move until they take an action to free themselves.
6- Indigo.  Does psychic damage.  All hit by this must save or become overcome with delusions of grandeur.
7- Violet.  Does electrical damage.  All hit by this must save or be scared of the caster for the duration.
8- Double Strike.  The caster fires two rays because of this result.  Roll again twice.  If you roll this result again, treat it as '7'.

Shield
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R: touch    T: creature            D: [dice] rounds

One creature you touch, or yourself, is covered in a magical aura that grants them +[sum] Fighting Spirit (FS) for the duration or until it is all expended.  

Snow Storm
---------------------------------------------------------------
R: 1000'        T: A cylinder 100*[dice]' in diameter    D: [dice] hours

You lower the temperature over a specific area, freezing the water in the air and causing it to come down as snow.  This snow blankets the area in a wide cylinder and covers the earth in a layer 1/2[dice]' deep.  Open fires are extinguished and outside conditions become miserable.  Unless they have resistance or immunity to cold, or are otherwise prepared for cold weather, creatures must make a morale check to remain outside or avoid seeking shelter.

If cast with 2 [dice], strong winds fill the cylinder, causing all ranged attacks to be made at disadvantage due to high winds and lowered visibility.  At 3 [dice], the storm also drops hailstones that do 2[dice] damage to any creature outside or unprotected.  At 4 or more [dice], the storm does [dice] cold damage to any creature outside that does not have resistance or immunity to cold damage or is not wearing sufficient cold-weather gear. 

What mutations does it suffer from?

(Roll 1d4 times on the table below.)

1d20
1- The Fomorian has clawed fingers, making manipulating fragile or delicate things hard if not impossible. 
2- The Fomorian has a mouth overflowing with fangs and sharp teeth.  It is an obligate carnivore and can only eat meat. 
3- The Fomorian has teeth growing not just from it's mouth, but out of different parts of it's body. 
4- The Fomorian has 1d4 extra mouths on it's body.  These mouths just bite things near them, but otherwise don't do anything.
5- The Fomorian has a long, reptilian looking tail.
6- The Fomorian's nostrils constantly leak smoke.  There is a 50% chance that it can breathe a cone of fire (3d6 fire, save for half) every 1d4 rounds, but each time the Fomorian does this it does 1d8 damage to the Fomorian, so it can be hurt by this ability. 
7- The Fomorian has 1d3 pairs of wings growing from it's back.  The Fomorian has a 2-in-6 chance of being able to fly.  Otherwise, it's wings just make it easier to hit and harm. 
8- The Fomorian has patches of thick, colorful scales growing all over it's body.  This has a 1-in-6 chance of giving it Natural Armor equal to AR 1d3.  Otherwise, it is merely unsightly.
9- The Fomorian has no nipples and is hairless.
10- The Fomorian is cold-blooded.  It likes to be warm and cannot last long in cold environments. 
11- The Fomorian has reversed legs and a flexible neck.  It is quadrupedal and can move much faster than a bipedal creature, but standing up on two legs is very difficult for it, though it can be done for a brief amount of time. 
12- The Fomorian has spikes growing out of its 1dX [1= Spine; 2= Arms and Legs; 3= Back; 4= Chest.]  It cannot wear most armor or clothing unless it has been specifically modified to fit the spikes.  Alternatively, the Fomorian might file down the spikes, a painful and time-consuming process. 
13- The Fomorian has reptilian slit-pupil eyes. 
14- The Fomorian has horns on the top of it's head. 
15- The Fomorian swallows it's food and can unhinge it's jaws.  It can swallow Medium or smaller creatures whole. 
16- The Fomorian can sit still for hours, not doing anything, not even blinking.
17- The Fomorian has fangs that secrete a painful, but largely harmless venom.           
18- The Fomorian, if female, lays eggs.  If male, it has genitalia more similar to a reptile.  Regardless, the Fomorian finds this disgusting and shameful.                                
19- The Fomorian has the ability to detach an arm or limb if attacked.  It will then run away.  The arm will grow back after 1d3 weeks.  The Fomorian is skilled at moving with only three, or even two limbs, because of this ability.
20- The Reptilian is only attracted to reptilian creatures and finds mammals and other creatures repulsive.   

Who serves the Fomorian?

(Roll 1d3 times on this table or until you have a total of 13+)

1d12
1- 1d20+10 level 1d3 Vampires.  A gang of low-level Vampires serve the Fomorian, who they refer to their as their Vampire King.  The Fomorian despises them for this, but it needs their service, so it tolerates their antics. 
2- 1d20+6 Ghouls.  A pack of gentlemen Ghouls who dispose of the corpses left behind from the Fomorian's experiments/torture/feeding.  Very well fed, so they are cultured, intelligent and friendly. They might still eat you, though.   
3- 1d4+1 Wights, each with a small pack of Undead servants bound to them.  The Fomorian has his own elite Undead, which he keeps as a safeguard against the Wights betraying him.
4- 1 Demon.  The Demon serves as the Fomorian's assistant or partner.  The Demon also brought 1d4+1 lesser spirits to assist the Fomorian.
5- 2d20 Chaos Cultists.  The Fomorian has convinced them that it's mutations are actually gifts from the Dragon-Mother and if they are faithful, they will receive such benefits as well. 
6- Far too many Goblins.  They think the Fomorian is a God.  To them, it might as well be.  They are worshiping it. 
7- A Coven (3) of Hags.  The Hags act as the Fomorian's research assistants.  They make it potions, which helps alleviate it's symptoms.  These potions are also addictive and the Fomorian has come to rely on them.  It realizes the Hags are trying to control it, but it doesn't dare weaken itself as long as they nearby. 
8- A Durama and his household.  The Durama feels that the Fomorian's "art" is inspired, if a bit tacky.  He has to come lend his talents and maybe make it less tasteless. 
9- 1d4 Ogres.  The Ogres think of the Fomorian as their Father/Mother and the Fomorian encourages this notion. 
10- A Cult of Kua Toa, who revere the Fomorian as a demi-god or a nascent deity. 
11- An Anti-Paladin, fallen from grace and dedicated to revenge against the world.  The Fomorian will be his tool for that.  He just needs to help the Fomorian with a few tasks first.
12- A Mad level 1d4+2 Wizard and his 1d6 Apprentices.  The Apprentices are 1d3 levels weaker than their Master (min 1).  Most of them are hesitant about helping the Fomorian, but their Master is extremely eager to obtain the Fomorian's research through whatever means he can. 
       
Fomorian Plot Hooks:

1d6

1- A group of bandits have kidnapped a noblewoman on her way to an important meeting.  Her husband disappeared with her and their families are worried, willing to pay top-dollar for the return of both of them.  Secretly, the reason why the bandit's leader kidnapped them is because his men are being held hostage by a Fomorian, who has pressed them into service.  They hope that if someone else comes looking for the nobles, then they will be able to get away in the chaos. 
2- A group of miners accidentally tunneled into an Iron Giant cavern, but they find the place seems abandoned after a recent attack.  The Iron Giants within are being attacked by a Fomorian, who is kidnapping them to feed upon and sate the Fomorian's thirst revenge.  This sets off a bit of a gold rush for the strange technology within, with explorers attempting to avoid the Giants, their technology and the thing feeding on them. 
3- The city of Al-Kith was built on the ruins of an ancient Giant metropolis, but this fact hasn't been relevant for a long time.  Then, one night, a Fomorian leading an army of monsters rises from the catacombs to lay siege to the city.  While the city burns and blood runs in the street, the Fomorian is only interested in one specific thing, an ancient treasure that the royal family has guarded for centuries.  If it falls into the hands of such a brute, the damage wrought could be catastrophic...
4- War!  A conflict has broken out between a fraternity of Cloud Giant Battle-Lords and a clan of Frost Giants.  But the Cloud Giants are suffering terribly, far more than they should.  The Frost Giants have gained a new ally, in the form of their new shaman.  The Smallfolk servants of the Battle-Lords hire the party to assassinate the Frost Giant's shaman, as he is too powerful for the masters to defeat.  Secretly, this new Shaman is a Fomorian, disguised with magic, who is allowing the Giants to slaughter each other so it can harvest blood from the fallen.
5- A Fomorian contacts the party through intermediaries and asks them to break into a Fire Giant war-camp to steal a particular item one of their leaders possesses.  Secretly, the Fomorian doesn't care about this, and only plans on using the party as a distraction to kidnap a few pickets to sate it's thirst. 
6- A thief fell in love with a Cultist and proposed that they should run away together.  But the Cultist refused, claiming her work was too important.  So the Thief kidnapped her and plans to perform a ritual to charm her into loving him.  But unknown to him, that Cultist was the one who made the potions that maintain the health of her Fomorian master.  Now the Fomorian is on a rampage, going forth with his servants to find her before he succumbs to his sickness and dies.

by Alejandro MGNZ