It's actually a Burger King. The windows are partially boarded up, the sign only lits up sporadically and the ground outside is littered with crushed glass and occasionally, shell casings. The boards are adorned with symbols added via spray-paint and sloppy brushstrokes. Some are genuine sigils of warding and protection, but just as many are mere mummery. Inside the store is mostly clean, but everything looks slapdash and mismatched, as if they haven't gotten a decent resupply in days. In truth, it's been much longer.
The food is lousy, but it will do. Of course, no one comes to McFuck's because of the food.
The staff are all sleep-deprived college kids and burnouts who are either depressed, stoned or both. However, unlike a normal Burger King, they are also Understudies, those who have knowledge of Downworld. This restaurant, as such, acts as sort of hub for Understudies, a neutral ground where those affiliated with various gangs, cults, syndicates and secret organizations can meet with the relative promise of safety.
Characters of Note:
Aaron. He's the store manager, short with a well-trimmed beard and an affable demeanor. He is widely liked by the staff. If he was threatened, they would be quick to return the favor. He is often the mediator between various groups. Everyone who knows him likes him. Weakness: Aaron knows of his reputation and is aware most people wouldn't hurt him on purpose. He will not see a surprise attack or a betrayal coming.
Gale. The other store manager, who always works the Night Shift. He's tall and muscular, clean shaven with gauge earrings that have bullets through the holes. He is a laissez-faire sort of guy, fairly genial most of the time. Do whatever you want, just don't threaten his customers or subordinates. If you do, he'll throw you out. He is known to carry around an old looking Japanese sword, who customers and patrons alike will tell you is very sharp and very dangerous. Some will even tell you stories of how Gale decapitated someone in the store for pointing a gun at him. Others will tell you it's all nonsense, though. Weakness: Gale does not respond well to threats to himself or others. He fixates on obvious dangers to either. A gun to the face will distract him from anything else you might be up to. He's also sensitive to slights. Stand up to him and he will retaliate in kind.
Angel. Despite the fact that he is a flamboyant gay man who wears too much make-up and styles his hair eccentrically, Angel is definitely an alias. He's a sleazy character who plies his wares in and out of the store. When Gale is there, he's usually outside, hanging out near the dumpster. He sells illicit substances and stolen goods out of the back of his van. No one really likes Angel, but he's reliable and knows when to keep his mouth shut, so they let him stay. Plus, if they kicked him out, then they'd have to find someone else to sell them coke. Weakness: Beautiful boys, preferably ones that are cold and cruel, especially toward him. This is common knowledge, both managers and all regulars know it.
Who else is here?
1- The Lionesses. A group of 1d6+2 girls in sexy outfits (schoolgirls, flappers, cosplay, etc). They're Werecats who have the ability to transform into huge Cats. They claim this is because of a pact they made with a Cat Goddess, but rumor says it is actually because of their matching amber pendants. They're available for hire as bodyguards, additional muscle or very deadly, if unsubtle, assassins. They're loud and crude and sleazy when not working, but are ruthless and professional when they are. They are expensive, but if you defeat them in a challenge, they are willing to offer large discounts. Today's challenge is 1d4 [1= A sex contest. Bring one of them to orgasm within 3 minutes or you lose; 2= An eating contest. Whoever eats the most raw meat in 1 minute wins; 3= A riddle contest. Each team presents 3 riddles. The one who successfully answers the most riddles wins; 4= Truth or Dare. First person to tell a lie (they claim to be able to smell them) or back out of a dare loses.] Fail one of their challenges and you will also have to face a penalty that is likely expensive and almost certainly embarrassing. Secret: They are looking for a strong man to become their husband (they will share him) and help them reclaim their kidnapped offspring.
2- The Mumbler. A man who wears thick Groucho Marx glasses, a fedora and a huge trenchcoat. Cannot seem to speak above a mutter, hence the name. Seems to possess an absolutely ludicrous level of social anxiety. Refuses to speak when anyone but the people he's directly talking to might notice. No one at the store has ever spoken to him, except for maybe Aaron. Carries a trio of three silver dollars which with he often toys. Also, according to regulars, he has a nose for trouble. He's never around when there's trouble, so if he leaves, it's time to clear out. Similarly, if he's there, everything is probably fine. Secret: He's a Prophet, though a very weak one, only able to see about an hour into the future. He'll tell your fortune if you get to know him and treat him nicely.
3- Susan Mubarak. Goes by the name 'Amani' and wears a headscarf in an attempt to connect to her "native" culture. No one, not even her, seems to really believe it. Is an excellent shot and is an expert on firearms and long-range assassinations. Available for hire. Will not take jobs that she feels aid the allies of capitalism or the Masters of the Universe. Secret: Currently wanted by the mundane authorities for killing two cops with her signature .306 rifle. They don't know who she is, but they're looking for someone who matches her description.
4- The Redneck Ronin. A man with a strong country accent, white cowboy hat, kilt and katana. He's a fairly good duelist and you can hire him as a henchmen. He will only take jobs that he feels are "honorable" and won't fight believers in the Good Book, even if they're hypocritical. He considers Gale his rival, a feeling not shared by Gale, who mostly ignores him. Secret: Is under a Death Curse. Knows he will die in a fire and avoids anything that could potentially involve large amounts of it. Is scrupulous about fire safety. Will not work with you if you use a lot of Molotov cocktails or an improvised flamethrower.
5- The Blob. Five people of mixed age, sex and race. They all wear matching outfits, blue jeans and white t-shirts, and move in eerie sycnhronicity. Seem to be able to communicate telepathically among each other. When communicating with outsiders, one will speak while the others watch. None of them have ever been seen apart from the others. Secret: They are responsible for the disappearance of two of the other regulars, who are being used as the basis for another one of this species. The humans are actually puppets for a central telepathic entity, which controls them like puppets.
6- Zakony Johnson. A dark-skinned man in a cheap suit, with a great love for fine art and exotic pornography, which he appreciates in a detatched, analytical way. Is an information monger and has his finger on the area's metaphorical pulse. Will trade art for rumors, information he can resell and secrets. Secret: He is secretly an Agency informant, helping them keep tabs on the locals.
7- The Great Swahili. A drunken clown in faded pastels, with a bright red nose and a perpetual frown. No one is sure if he's just a depressed human or something else. Rumors persist of his magical powers- one story claims he was shot in the head, point-blank, and lived to tell the tale. He will deny any rumors if you ask them about him. He's available for birthday parties, he will tell you. He will also ask for help in getting rid of his ex-wife, who took the kids and, he believes, is an actual Demon. Secret: He has no actual magical powers, he's just a man.
8- Big Joe and the Brewhouse Boys. A hillbilly who makes his own moonshine, despises the government and carries an excess amount of guns, even for an Understudy, who generally treat the Second Amendment like the Word of God. He references events that don't seem to have happened, or perhaps will happen. He sells extremely powerful and basically undrinkable alcohol, though it functions well as a disinfectant and it's good for making molotovs. Willing to buy guns and gasoline for top dollar, though he usually pays in gold or barter. He is usually accompanied by a small mob of well-armed, stars-and-bars clad kinsmen who are available for hire for modest fees, as long as you're willing to include ammo and booze. Secret: He is actually from the future, right after the Third American Revolution.
What's going on today?
1- A game of cards. One player is on a hot streak and probably cheating. No one can figure out how though.
2- A famous fighter has offered to fight anyone who challenges him for a small fee. If you beat him, you get the pot. There is a small line of people lined up to try their luck, while a much larger group is watching.
3- A mysterious salesman is selling potions. Angel is pissed and is seriously considering doing something about it. Sample the man's wares and see if there is anything to these potions.
4- Nothing at first, but as you sit down to eat, the TV that never usually works turns on, tuned to a news program. The News Anchor inform you to kill one of the other patrons. No one else seems to notice this broadcast.
5- An armed group is laying siege to the Restaurant. The group is 1d4 [1= A group of gangers who want the cash in the register and the manager's stash of magical drugs; 2= A pack of monsters who want to eat everyone inside; 3= Some Lighthouse Affiliates trying to burn the place down for some unclear reason- probably political; 4= Agency Members, Knight Class- Mostly human except for their gibbering madness and the earpieces sticking into their flesh. They are here for some reason that is clear to no one but themselves, but it seems to involve a lot of shooting.]
6- One of the patrons is being held hostage by another. Half the patrons/staff are trying to de-escalate the situation while the other half are running for cover. Aaron and Gale are smoking a blunt and sharping his sword respectively.
What are they out of today?
1- Iced Tea. They're serving coffee instead. Everyone is jittery and miserable.
2- Burgers. The delivery driver is late. Probably. Gale disappeared into the freezer an hour ago saying he was going to "take care of it". No one has seen him since and strange lights and smells are coming from the deep freeze.
3- Ice Cream. Aaron's girlfriend disappeared mysteriously and he's been alternating between binge-eating it and leaving for hours at a time, with no explanation of where he's going or when he'll be back. The ice cream machine is making strange noises and when you turn it out, vanilla mixed with blood and human teeth comes out.
4- Salt. The fries are worse than usual, but if you complain, everyone will make fun of you.
5- Ice. Everyone is actually okay with this, as now the sodas actually have something in them.
6- Chicken Tenders. Tempers are flaring as the chicken tendies are the only decent thing in this place. The restaurant is a powder keg, all it needs is a spark.
What is Angel selling today?
1- Potions of lesser Healing. He claims they will fill you with vitality. They aren't magical at all, and only heal 1d6 FS. The effect is a result of the placebo effect. Magically talented characters or those with strong faith who actually believe it will help also heal 1d4 HP. If you get told the truth, there is a 80% that drinking one has no effect.
2- Crystal Salts. A drug. Snort or inject them to become immune to pain, take -2 less damage from non-magical sources and gain advantage on Fear or other mental effects, other than illusions or Charm spells. Has a variety of horrible side effects, but those who take them generally don't care.
3- Fuzzy Dice. A magic item that allows you to reroll any d20 3/Day. But if you roll a "1" while carrying them, you suffer a critical fumble. The Referee is encouraged to be sadistic. The item is thought to be cursed, as most of it's previous owners have died violently. It's not actually, but what happened to it's previous owners is well known.
4- Battle Vests. Ramshackle armor made of a mix of thin metal plates and repurposed kevlar. Offers decent protection but if they take 1 point of Fire damage, they immediately fall apart and are destroyed.
5- CIA-level hallucinogens. Let you see the presence of ghosts, spirits and other immaterial entities when you take these. You can also see through illusions while on them. Simultaneously causes hallucinations at the same time though, so make sure that's a real spirit you're talking to and not a manifestation of your guilty subconscious.
6- A Chainsaw. It looks well-used and has a Hello Kitty charm hanging from the handle. Angel claims he just really needs the money and only used it a few times. In reality, it's stolen and belongs to a very important local Understudy, who is famous for both their heroism and love of ultraviolence. He/she will want her toy back.
Besides 1d3 of these, Angel also sells regular Drugs and will buy stolen goods. He also has 1d20 other stolen mundane items he will try to sell to you. Example items: Records, rope, plates, mirrors, TVs, DVDs, gaming consoles, jewelry, recently reset cellphones, guns, swords, power tools, etc.
The Secret Menu:
Aaron is actually a great chef and if he likes you, or if sufficiently compensated, will let you order off the Secret Menu. If something requires an exotic ingredient, you'll need to procure it for yourself.
Cooking DC: 12
Special Ingredients: Blood from a creature that can manipulate Time, or chrono-crystals, which grow around portals or other places where time travel occurs.
Eternal Pie is a special type of pizza. You can make it any way you want and vary the toppings to your liking. Then infuse it with the special ingredients, either by mixing into the dough or the sauce. Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes or until crust is flaky and delicious. The name comes from if you don't eat the entire pizza. As long as there is at least 1 slice left, the Pizza will regenerate 1 slice every 1d4 hours. (For convenience, the Pizza is always cut into 8 pieces and 2 slices is enough for a full meal.) If entirely consumed, the pizza's magical effects will not occur.
Cooking DC: 10
Special Ingredient: Opium, Heroin or Raw Opium Poppies
Small cakes, colored red and delicious topped with cream cheese icing, these cakes have astounding anaesthetic properties. Eating an Opium Cake while in pain will dramatically reduce it, removing it almost entirely. If eaten by someone who is resting, it removes pain, but when eaten by someone in an agitated state, such as right before a battle, it almost entirely removes their ability to feel pain. Creatures under the influence of this effect cannot have their ability to fight impeded by pain or negative sensations. They also become resistant to fear, making all saves against Fear or negative sentiments with advantage.
Sex 'n' Cinnamon
Cooking DC: 10
Special Ingredient: Cinnamon, broken crockery.
A special type of milkshake that involves mixing shards of broken crockery into the sweet mixture. A broken teapot is traditional but not required. When consumed, it makes the user come off as sweet and charming, no matter how they act. No matter what breach of manners the drinker commits or what heinous statements they say, whatever they say will be taken as entirely nice and kind. You could go to a Bar Mitzvah and loudly quote Hitler and everyone would just politely chuckle and compliment you on your excellent witticisms. Note that this charm effect does not apply to explicitly violent actions, so it will wear off if you attack or take an action to hurt someone. The charm effect also wears off for anyone you seduce while affected by the shake, which is where the name comes from.
Cooking DC: 8
Special Ingredient: Lemon-Lime soda
This sugary-sweet soda is a mixture of lemon lime soda and a few other more toxic ingredients. When consumed, McAcid makes the drinker's bodily fluids, from sweat to tears to everything else a potent acid. This acid dissolves everything but glass, plastic and magical items and can eat through anything else given time. This makes the drinker able to easily escape from most forms of confinement and bypass most obstacles. It's hard to keep such a person out when they can just melt through a door. Those under the influence of McAcid will naturally produce one flask of acid per hour via their sweat if engaged in non-strenuous exercise, or one every 10 minutes if in combat or engaged in hard work. However, the sweat not gathered will do damage to any clothing or armor they wear that can be dissolved.
Cooking DC: 12
Special Ingredient: Worcestershire Sauce, a powerful hallucinogen
Incomprehensible Sauce is a special sauce that resembles clear jelly. When applied to a living creature, that creature emits an aura of sheer, baffling confusion. Creatures who look upon the affected creature must save to understand what the affected is doing. The more recognizable an action, the easier it is to recognize, as well as the more important. For example, eating or trying to stab someone is easily recognizable, but if the affected creature started trying to make origami or dancing the waltz, others would be utterly baffled on what was happening. Incomprehensible Sauce also renders the speech of the affected creature into incomprehensible gibberish. No one can understand what the affected creature is saying. Even two creatures affected by the same batch of sauce will find the other speaks nothing but incoherent nonsense.
|by Burger King's marketing team|
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