Thursday, July 21, 2022

Buckets of Blood: Loose Cannon Cop

So, we all agree that the Chainsaw Wizard was badass, right?  

Yeah, I thought so.  But then I found out that the Chainsaw Wizard was part of a whole series of classes and posts related to an 80s B-movie and Grindhouse inspired setting called Buckets of Blood.  

It reminds me a lot of Planet Motherfucker, from Tales of the Grotesque and Dungeonesque (I can't find the link to download it), but with less sex and more ultra-violence.  And that's just fine with me, as I play with the kind of people who wouldn't be able to take a game that had the word "Motherfucker" in the title seriously.  Or at least, as seriously as it would need to be.   

Anyway, this is a class for Buckets of Blood.  

Samurai Cop poster, artist unknown

This used to be a nice neighborhood.  When you were a kid you can remember playing on the street and in the parks with your friends.  Your parents were perfectly fine with letting you run off and do whatever, as they were confident they lived in a Nice Town.

Then, things changed.  The Bad Side of the Tracks spread like a cancer, infecting the wholesome locations of your childhood.  Abetted by weakling bleeding heart politicians who care more for criminal scum than law-abiding, God-fearing citizens, the City's gone to hell.  Now it's not safe to go out at night, and in some places, go out at all.  The people are angry and frustrated, but there's no one out there to help them.  The politicians don't care, and neither do the criminals. 

Worse, the police themselves are castrated.  Back in the day, the boys in blue could have just rounded up these scum and made sure they got what they deserved.  Sure, sometimes people who didn't do nothin' got cracked over the head, but everyone knew that was the cost of doing business.  Break a few eggs, omelettes, etc.  And you usually got the bad guys, so it all worked out.  

These days though, you can't do that.  You even touch a suspect in the wrong way, you could get in trouble.  Worse, they might walk.  So most cops don't even bother with that whole 'law-enforcement' thing.  They just police whether you can collect rain water and write parking tickets.  But when you need 'em, they might as well be ghosts. 

Not you, though.  You're the last straight-edge out there on the street.  And that doesn't mean you follow the rules.  No, you're the straight edge that cuts the throat of crime.  You're the Sheriff in a frontier town and these POS criminals are about to find that out, either when you cuff them and slam their heads into your cruiser, or when you introduce them to the public defenders Smith 'n' Wesson.

Your boss hates you and has been trying to railroad you for years.  He'll get rid of you if it's the last thing he does, but not before getting you to do all of the stuff his lily-white, ivy-league hands can't handle or stomach.  Your partner's a stodgy stick in the mud, your car's non-regulation and yes, your outfit is cheap.  It makes it easier to get the blood off.  But you don't care- you don't do this for the recognition or even the money. 

You do it because Crime is a Disease, and you're the Cure.

from Cobra

You get +1 to Firearm Damage per Template and +1 HP per 2 Templates
Starting Equipment: Suit or Leather Jacket, Gun, Sweet Car, Police Badge, Handcuffs
Starting Skills: 1) Interrogation, 2) Concealment, 3) Intimidation, 4) Investigation
A: Badge and Gun, Arsehole Supervisor, One-Liner
B: Defensive Driver, By-the-Book Partner, Hand Cannon
C: Explosion-Proof, Improvised Weapon 
D: Crime is the Disease


Badge and Gun: You are a police officer and thus, will be respected by other police and authority figures, even if you act like a tit in front of them.  Causing too much trouble or acting in a way that is inappropriate too much will lead to a call from Arsehole Supervisor, but generally you will be granted all the privileges and immunities of a police officer. 

Arsehole Supervisor: Your boss is a thin-skinned, Ivy-league educated prick who thinks he knows what real police work looks like and constantly chews you out for actually trying to catch the bad guys.  Sure, sometimes people don't get to enjoy all their "rights", but if that's what it takes to put these creeps behind bars or in the ground, that's what you'll do.  Your Supervisor will call you in if you do something particularly eggregious and if you act out too much, he can impose penalties on you.  But even if he does, that's not going to stop you from getting those creeps and making sure justice is done.    

One-Liner: If you make a snappy one-liner before you attack someone and then successfully do damage to them, you may reroll your damage dice and choose the better result.  Alternatively, if you make a quip after killing someone, you may regain up to 1/2 Templates HP.  This latter ability may only be used 1/Day. 


Defensive Driver: You can drive perfectly well while being shot at or shooting back.  You are skilled enough to improvise jumps and stunts without risking serious life or limb, even in a tense combat situation. 

By-the-Book Partner: You have a partner whose just a stickler for rules, and that's not the only stick he's carrying around.  Your Partner can be called upon to help you keep a secret, cover up a crime, I mean, procedural screw-up you committed, help cover for you with your Arsehole Supervisor and provide back-up if you have evidence that someone committed a crime.  Youy may call upon your partner 1/Day, but they will have questions for where you've been, why are you hanging out with a bunch of societal rejects/menaces to the same and occasionally might ask you to help them with something he's working on.

Hand Cannon: When you hit someone with your gun, you can halve the damage and cause the creature shot to instead fly back up to 10+[Templates]'. 


Explosion-Proof: As long as you're a sufficient distance away from an explosion, if you're moving away from it, you take no damage from it.  If you are within the blast radius, you have advantage on any save or check made to reduce damage taken by the explosion.  Additionally, you have a 6th sense for detecting hidden bombs and explosives and should you be in danger of triggering one, you get a funny feeling that something isn't right. 

Improvised Weapon: If you're disarmed, you can always find a weapon nearby after a minute or less of searching.  Make a CHA check and on a success, you find one immediately.  If you fail, you find one after a minute of searching.  There is a 50% this weapon is something simple that could be found almost anywhere, such as a kitchen knife or frying pan, with an equal chance it is something unique that could only be found in this area, such as a spear-gun, chainsaw or flamethrower.   

Crime is the Disease: 1/Day, you can give yourself advantage (+4) on any attack made against a creature who has broken the laws of the municipality, country or world you are currently in.  Creatures who were found not guilty, no matter if the proceedings were crooked or bullshit, are unaffected by this ability.

from Dirty Harry

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