Friday, May 3, 2019

OSR: Handsome Household Generator

This is a post detailing the extended families of the Handsome Men, the Nukarian version of Elves.  In Nukaria, Handsome Men assemble large numbers of lesser creatures to serve and attend to their needs.  This is a post that details what exactly those creatures can be.

This post owes a substantial debt to Arnold K's Elven Warbands post.  Additionally, the Handsome Men share the mindset of K's Elves, which he detailed here.  Thanks for everything, Mr. Arnold.

                                                      by masterkey23

The Handsome Men

How many of them are there?


1- Zero.  The Handsome Man is actually dead or missing and the chief Elfman has actually been running things while keeping up the charade that the Handsome Man is still alive this whole time.
2- One.  The Handsome Man has an equal chance of being a male or female.
3- Two, a mated pair.
4- Two, a brother and sister.
5- Two, twin brothers or sisters.
6- Three, a father, mother and child.

All Handsome Men have...

- 2 HD
- AC 12
- They can cast spells as a level 1d6 Magic-User, exploding on a 5 or 6
- They have a number of spells and spellcasting dice equal to their Wizard level
- They also possess the ability to transform: this is called 'putting on your War Face'

When a Handsome Man puts on his War Face...

- Have him or her roll as many spellcasting dice as he or she wishes
- These dice burn out as normal
- But the Handsome Man gains +[sum] HP
- A +[dice] bonus to AC
- An attack bonus of 2[dice] and a damage bonus of +[dice]
- And he or she can make a number of attacks equal to [dice]/2, rounding down to the nearest whole number

This Handsome Man spends most of his (or her) time doing...


1- Alchemy.  The Handsome Man spends most of his time studying old alchemical texts and trying out the rituals.  Most of the time they fail, as alchemy has never been a totally legitimate field of sorcery.  Most of the items they produce are either mundane or dangerous.  A few work very well, though.  What he needs: rare ingredients for a ritual he's working on.     
2- Fortune telling.  The Handsome Woman spends most of her time casting lots, reading tea leaves and observing the stars.  She is studying Fortune, trying to predict the future.  What she needs: someone to go verify if her predictions are correct. 
3- Painting.  The Handsome Man's paintings could bring tears to the eyes of jaded war veterans and would be worth their weight in gold.  Additionally, some of his paintings are much more than mere art.  What he needs: inspiration. 
4- Perfecting Martial Techniques.  The Handsome Woman spends every hour she can in her gymnasium, practicing her Secret Techniques.  She has developed a unique and terrible fighting style that could lay waste to almost any other.  She is waiting for the chance to use it.  What she needs: a worthy opponent.
5- Hunting.  The Handsome Man loves hunting.  He throws lavish parties where he invites his most blood-thirsty friends to join him in a little "following the leader".  What he needs: big game.
6- Throwing and attending lavish parties.  The Handsome Woman loves to party.  She is in constant need of fine foods, wine, music and expensive gifts.  What she needs: for the Man she's been in love with for years to notice her.
7- Designing and making elaborate outfits.  The Handsome Man is the world's greatest designer of wearable art.  He is the current chief of high fashion everywhere but the Court of Heaven, and that's because he has yet to find a Goddess willing to wear one of his garments.  What he needs: A Goddess. 
8- Studying Magic.  The Handsome Woman is a great lover of sorcery, spending all of her time consulting the writings of ancient Sorcerer-Kings, current Archmages and the chiefs of mystic academia.  What she needs: The long-lost spellbook of an ancient Wizard. 
9- Archeology.  The Handsome Man is a bit of a geek, according to his people, spending all of his time studying fragments of pottery and bone shards carefully dug up and pre-cleaned by his diligent servants.  He has located dozens of possible dungeons and treasure caches, but has yet to explore any of them, out of the Handsome Men's distaste for dirt and grime.  What he needs: some brave fools to go grave-robbing for him.
10- Demonology.  The Handsome Woman has an obsession with Outsiders.  Her home is full of summoning circles, books on summoning spirits and magical reagents necessary to do so.  She also has an Outsider imprisoned inside a massive gemstone concealed somewhere in her home.  What she needs: a body worthy of the captured Outsider, to act as a host. 
11- Composing, studying and playing music.  The Handsome Man is a brilliant composer.  He plays more instruments than you've heard of.  Much of his music is alien, yet it is all alluring and odd.  What he needs: a Devil's golden fiddle.  None of them will give him one or challenge him to a fiddle contest, and he's run out of ideas. 
12- Necromancy.  The Handsome Woman spends much of her time studying dead things, cleaning them, making macabre art out of them.  She usually handles the corpses while wearing her War Face and only looks at them normally once they have been made clean and beautiful.  Her work makes other Necromancers look like chumps.  What she needs: the skull of a famous person.    
13- Sculpting.  The Handsome Man is a master of clay, marble and metal.  His home and lands are overflowing with rare and unique works of statuary.  What he needs: sufficiently beautiful subjects to pose for him.
14- Repairing and restoring ancient technology.  The Handsome Woman spends her time recovering ancient pieces of technology and taking them apart.  She is personally responsible for about 25% of the Handsome Men's guns.  What she needs: some ancient gizmo hidden in some kind of monster infested labyrinth.
15- Hiding in the walls.  You're not likely to see him.  The Handsome Man spends all his time walking in between walls, slipping through crawl spaces, crawling through ventilation ducts, all while observing and listening to everything going on in his house.  Everyone is very careful with their words, in case he overhears.  What he needs: for you to say something disagreeable. 
16- Hunting the Ghost.  The Handsome Woman is searching for a Ghost that haunts her home.  She has yet to find it.  She's close though, she's sure of it.  She can almost taste its ectoplasm.  The Little Brothers will tell you that the Matriarch has been chasing this Ghost for almost a decade and has found no sign of it.  Also, she's the only one who ever sees it.  What she needs: a "Ghost".
17- Gardening.  This Handsome Man could give a Wood Giant a run for his money.  He's got grapes the size of baseballs, corn cobs as long as your arm and opium poppies the size of pumpkins, with milk that will let you see the Truth.  What he needs: For someone to scare away the Trolls who keep breaking into his garden to snack on his produce.
18- Anthropology.  The Handsome Woman is immensely interested in Chainfolk and how their minds work.  Unfortunately, she is also scared of them.  As such, she has her servants abduct them and subject them to various irrational experiments to see what they do.  What she needs: more test subjects. 
19- Cooking or Baking.  The Handsome Man is an absolutely divine cook.  His dishes are so good that the smell alone is rumored to have made men start weeping.  What he needs: a rare, nigh-impossible ingredient.  
20- Caring for a bird.  The Handsome Woman spends all of her time taking care of a parrot.  She pets, feeds and spends time with the bird.  The only problem is that the parrot is actually dead and has been for years.  If anyone points this out to her, she puts on her War Face, murders them, cleans up the body, the pretends like nothing ever happened.

                                                                  by Gild-a-Lily

[Remember that the Handsome Men are just Folk who sold out, trading true freedom and savagery for shoes and bread.]

The Household

All Handsome Men households, regardless of size, have Elfmen, Little Brothers and at least 1 Special Servant.  Roll once on each table.  Also note that these tables ignore servants or other hired hands that might not be useful in a combat situation. I trust the Referee can handle that themselves. 

The Elfmen


1- Zijo [Zee-Joe].  Zijo is trained as Valet.  He's an expert of courtly sarcasm, etiquette and theatre.  He can also sing and play instruments fairly well, for a mortal.  His War Face is a skin-tight body suit covered in spiny quills.  He wields a glass sword and shield.  Zijo is a Level 1 Alice.
2- Pentatakin [Penta-ta-kin].  It's hard to always look your best.  The best dressed have the best help.  Pentatakin is the best dressed mortal in all of Handsome Man society.  He keeps his Master looking sharp, no matter the occasion.  His War Face is a coat of draping leather and armor of jet scales with glass lenses over his eyes and metal talons on his fingertips.  Pentatakin is a level 4 Magic-User, specifically a Handsome Wizard.  He knows the spells Bubblegum Fluff and Cut on the Dotted Line.
3- Junicho.  Junicho's primary duty is actually to supervise and help the gardeners, but his secondary duty is to work hard with his shirt off and impress the Little Sisters with his toned abs and perfect tan.  He excels at both tasks, only matched by his master in flower arranging and planting.  Junicho's War Face is covering himself in illusory paint that makes him look like he is horribly burned, naked and currently on fire.  He is a level 3 Magic-User, a Warlock.  He knows the spells Hellflame, Fireball and Sweet Georgia Brown.
4- Mixoma.  She's got a weird look to her, one no Fleshcarver has been able to cure.  It is recommended that you use her as a Masseuse, partially because that's what she's trained in, but also because then you won't have to look at her.  Mixoma is also a highly talented spy, skilled in eavesdropping, remembering things and breaking and entering.  Her War Face is removing the veil over her eyes and covering the rest of herself in dark blue cloth.  This makes her almost invisible at night. Mixoma is a Level 2 Deep One Hybrid.
5- Stellaine.  She's a tough old bird, cracked and withered.  She's going to need to be decommisioned soon.  Her Master just can't bear to do it.  He's waiting for the next chance he gets to put on his War Face.  Then he'll do the deed.  Until then, he lets her lead around his guests.  Stellaine's War Face is a dark jacket covered in rattling chains.  She is level 3 Agent with the Semblance [Chalk Lane].  This Semblance transforms dead flesh into explosives.
6- Ephine.  He's a butler.  He supervises other students quite well and takes orders with the same level of proficiency.  He organizes parties, cleans faster than ten men and has the work ethic of 20.  His War Face is a that he removes his jacket, rolls up his sleeves, and soaks himself in blood.  He is a level 3 Agent with the Semblance [The Lost Children].  This Semblance causes those who commit evil actions in his presence to develop targets on their flesh.  If one of these targets is struck, that person suffers grievous harm, as long as the blow is harder than flicking someone in the forehead. 

Little Brothers and Sisters skilled in dancing, or serenading the wind.


1- 1d20 free Frogfolk (1 HD) armed with giant cutlery and wearing sauce pans and giant thimbles on their heads.  Look like something out of a whimsical storybook.  However, don't let it fool you.  The cutlery functions as effective polearms.  Even the giant spoon is sharp.  Tactic: To form a wall or block and slowly advance on anyone they need to hurt, using their polearms to keep you at range.
2- 1d10 Morcai Spearmen (1 HD) armed with spears and wearing pristine white garb with pleasing masks that resemble death masks, but less morbid.  These masks also help them channel their venom over longer distances.  Tactic: Charge in a disorganized mob.  Spray venom on anyone who doesn't die.
3- 1d12 Goatling Archers (1 HD) dressed in business suits with braided beards and groomed mustaches.  Also, silly little hats. Tactic: Fire arrows then run away.  Attack from range then flee.
4- 1d4+4 Jelly-Eyed Calvarymen.  They ride either well-trained horses or giant newts.  They wear big hats and colorful ponchos, along with shiny belt-buckles.  Tactic: Lasso you then drag you behind their horses for a while or just ride you down. 
5- 1d8 Lizarian Blade-Grapplers (1 HD).  The Lizarians wear loose white robes with head bands and colorful belts.  They seem unarmed and bow before combat.  This is a trick; Lizarians aren't honorable.  Tactic: grapple one person and once he or she is pinned, everyone else runs up and stabs him or her with their hidden daggers.
6- 1d6+2 Morcai Huntresses (1 HD) armed with nets and spears.  These are female Morcai, as evidenced by their costumes, colorful sundresses, wigs to cover their bald heads and sun hats.  Some even go a step further and paint their skin a different color so from a distance with their face turned away, they look almost like Elfmen.  Tactic: Throw nets over people to bring them down, then spit venom in their faces.  Then stab anyone who tries to get close to the person trapped in the net.  Stab them if they try to escape.    
7- 1d6+2 Oxmen Brutes (2 HD) wielding giant hammers and axes.  The Oxmen wear flower wreaths and false horns that are painted in jolly colors such as robin's egg blue, sunshine yellow, or fire engine red.  The Oxmen cut off their real horns for safety.  The false horns break off if you try to grab them.  Tactic: Form a solid wedge and divide your enemies from each other, then crush the weaker half.
8- 1d6+1 Crocoling Samurai-Poets (2 HD) who compose haikus when not fighting.  The Crocolings wear bamboo hats with lace draperies to conceal their faces and cover their scaly bodies in colorful silks, usually displaying pleasing patterns or comforting designs, such as flowers, clouds, cute animals, etc.  Tactic: To fire a way of arrows from their bows then move in and fight you one-on-one.

Special Servants


1- 1d4+1 Sinister Folk.
2- 1d6 Puttos.  Puttos are lesser Outsiders who like to watch/make people fall in love.  Unfortunately, they don't really get mortals, so most people who end up getting matched by the Putto end up breaking it off after a couple of days, maybe a week later after they realize that it's simply not going to work out.  Puttos can shoot arrows that make you fall in love with the first thing you see.  They can also choose the type of love, whether it be Agape, Philia, Storge or Eros.  They can also shift the type of love you feel for someone, such as making a man's Eros for his wife become Agape or a woman's philia for her favored horse become Eros.  They usually do this as a cruel prank, which their Handsome Master always pretends to disapprove of.
3- Wicker Man.  Wicker Men are large, elaborate creations of many thousands of wooden sticks bound together into the shape of a great man.  The Handsome Men then decorate them with dangling wind chimes, ribbons and flowers.  Then, after a certain length of time, the Handsome Men set them alight.  What most people don't know is that the Wicker Men can move and aren't immediately consumed by flames.  
4- A Jungle-King.  Jungle-Kings are the creation of a male lion, a female tiger and some very bored Handsome Men.  They are eleven feet long and can fit a whole human head inside its open mouth with room to spare.    
5- A Phantasmal Interloper.  They are always tied to some kind of object, such as a cursed knife or a sacred pool.  Doing something specific and appropriate to the enchanted object, such as drinking from a sacred pool without permission or cutting yourself on a cursed knife will summon the Phantasmal Interloper.  It will take the form of a monster that will pursue you.  The monster is only real to those who believe it is.  Its specific powers will vary, but one thing they all have is that if killed it will return to life and continue the pursuit until you either do something specific to it or the enchanted object, such as purifying the cursed knife or offering an appropriate sacrifice to the Spirit of the Sacred Pool.  
6- A Glomper.  Ten feet tall and covered in plush fur, with iron muscles underneath.  Usually used to recapture particularly unruly slaves.  Can paralyze with its button-eyed stare and trap people inside the hollow in its chest. 
7- A Mist-Breather.  A giant, levitating humanoid head with alien eyes and soft, plump lips.  Has teeth the size of tombstones and long, dangling tentacles.  Can also produce fog and clouds of mist. 
8- A Malkim.  A giant rabbit-man wearing a three-piece suit and a monocle.  His voice is impossibly soft.  Listening to him talk makes you start bleeding from every orifice, starting at the ear, before moving onto the nose, eyes then everywhere else.  This rapidly leads to severe blood loss, followed by death.  He is timid, polite and always apologetic for the harm he is causing.

                                                     from cravagolina_wordpress

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