Sunday, February 3, 2019

OSR: Handsome Wizards

The Handsome Men are my Elves, aloof, inscrutable, and capricious.  The Handsome Men are known for their magical power, artistic ability, and oddity.  However, there is a quirk in Handsome Man culture.  A Handsome Man may do anything they desire, as long as they don't oppress someone of a higher or equal rank, but if they do anything for money, they will be mocked and teased by their peers.

A Handsome Man can dig ditches, as long as they dig ditches for entertainment or exercise.  If they were to do it to earn money, then they would be an object of ridicule.  But if they did it for one of the former reasons, then people would applaud them.  The Handsome Men believe in labor, especially a labor of love, but they do not believe that they, as the world's most powerful, enlightened, and radiant people, should have to do menial labor to continue surviving.  Only low-class Handsome Men who do not have little brothers and sisters or Dependent Employees to handle such tasks work.  High-class Handsome Men are expected to care nothing for such things, as they are so wealthy and powerful all those things are already taken care of.

And if there is one thing the Handsome Men have in common with more normal cultures is that all want to appear as high-class as they can.

Thus, the Handsome Men delegate most tasks to their little brothers and sisters, or for the most menial, tedious or degrading work, to their Dependent Employees.

And anyone who knows anything will know that casting magic is one of those tasks.

The Handsome Wizard

All Handsome Men have some magical talent, but most cannot cast many spells beyond the few needed to get through the day.  They do not devote themselves to the full-time study of magic, as that is a task that is usually boring, often gross or unpleasant, and always dangerous.  So most full Wizards among the Handsome Men are actually Elf-Men, little brothers and sisters made from the prepubescent members of other races, modified to make them more like Handsome Men.  These modifications include things like clearing up the skin, straightening teeth, making the ears pointy, and a bunch of other things.  When finished, this makes Elf-Men devastating handsome and strange looking.  Most people who see them think that they are the Handsome Men.  This is a common mistake, but one only made by someone who has never seen a Handsome Man, as the Handsome Men are torches compared to the candles that are the Elf-Men.

Still, if any Elf-Men come closest to the Handsome Men, it is the Handsome Wizard.  They are beautiful, charming, and wanted everywhere.  On top of all that, they have the magical power to prove their grandeur.

Handsome Wizards are Outsiders Around Here, and Chartered in the lands of the Handsome Men, where they work for powerful Handsome Men, acting as valets, stylists, and body-guards.

If you are a Handsome Wizard, determine which Handsome Man taught you magic and what your relationship to them is, or roll on the tables below.

My Master was...


1- A Pauper who studied Magic for coin and honor, and needed an Apprentice.
2- A courtier to a greater Handsome Man who used me to consistently look their best.
3- A plantation-owner who needed someone to keep his grounds and home looking nice.
4- A Magical-Martyr who fought viciously along the frontier, and needed someone to hold their spell-books while they unleashed their terrible magicks on the opponents of the Handsome Men.
5- An Absolute Custodian who used me to pretty up the Dependent Employees, so they didn't look so sad.
6- A Party-Prince who used me for dramatic spectacles.

I still...


1- Hate them for how they treated me, I ran away for that
2- Feared them for what they might have done to me, I ran away for my own safety
3- I am grateful of them.  They taught me everything I know, even though they let me go, I own them a debt I can never repay
4- I worry about them, as I lost them in a foreign land, and haven't seen them since.  I hope to find them one day.
5- I love them, and would do anything for them, even after they let me go.
6- I love them, and still serve them.  I am currently on a mission, and will return to them the first chance I get.

"You don't me to tell you what you already know, you're the one with style, the whole darn show."

Note: In this clip, Phineas and Ferb treat Bobbi the same way most Handsome Wizards treat their Masters.

Handsome Wizard is a sub-class of my OSR Magic-User class, which can be found here.  For all base details, refer their.  For anything specific to this class, see below. 

Power: You can wear beautiful or stylish clothes as if they were armor.  If your clothes get ruined, however, then they provide no protection.  Getting soaked, covered in mud, taking any amount of sharp, fire or acid damage is enough to ruin most sets of clothes. 

Ex: For you, a tuxedo or whatever the local equivalent for formal wear is equivalent to plate mail.  Similarly, a vest and dress pants would be equivalent to leathers.

Drawback: You cannot cast spells while dirty.  If you get covered in mud, dirt or filth, no magic for you, until you can clean yourself off.

Handsome Wizard Starting Spells:

1- All Things Fabulous
2- Awaken
3- Bubblegum Fluff
4- Clean Up Nicely
5- Cut on the Dotted Line
6- Dr. Beau and Mr. Handsome
7- I expect you to dine
8- Orchestral Accompaniment
9- Replacement Clause
10- Sanitize
11- Spotlight
12- War Face

13- Entomb
14- Stage Directions
15- Seed

Legendary Spell: White Wash

All Things Fabulous
R: 30'        T: sticks, mud, leaves or etc    D: [dice] hours

The caster may take sticks, leaves, mud, garbage or anything else containing organic matter and cellulose or other fibers in it and speak over it, causing it to transform into a high-fashion outfit perfectly tailored to a creature or creatures within range.  The caster may create up to [dice] outfits with each casting of this spell.

The outfits remain as the caster originally intended them for [dice] hours, after which they transform back into their original components, unless the caster used 4 or more [dice] to cast the spell, in which case the duration is as long as the caster wishes, up to permanent.

R: touch    T: creature    D: one action

One plant or animal creature the caster touches suddenly gains human level awareness and intelligence.  The creature retains all previous memories and personality, but now possesses the intelligence to exercise it.  The creature also gains a method of speech and the knowledge of one language the caster spoke.  If the creature did not possess a method of locomotion, it also gains one of those at well.

The creature is not charmed by the caster nor compelled to be loyal in any way, though it is likely to be grateful, at least for a while.

Bubblegum Fluff
R: 50'        T: up to [sum] cubic feet    D: one action

The caster instantly creates up to [sum] cubic feet of soft, fluffy foam.  This foam can be used to cushion fall damage, reducing it by [sum], to block off areas, or anything else the caster can think to use it for.  The foam is strong enough to support a person standing on it, but otherwise has the consistency of memory foam.  The foam has [sum] HP and takes double damage from fire and slashing damage.

Clean Up Nicely
R: 30'        T: [dice] creatures or objects    D: one action

[dice] objects or creatures within range are instantly cleaned, groomed, and perfumed.  The caster may specify any specific changes he wishes, such as whether he wants someone's beard shaved off or merely groomed, or whether he wants someone perfumed or instead allow them to rely on their natural cologne.

Cut on the Dotted Line
R: 30'        T: creature            D: [dice] minutes

One creature within range suddenly has [dice] lines appear on its body.  If the creature suffers any slashing damage on one of these lines, they take an additional +[sum] slashing damage.  Each line has an AC equal to the creature's original AC-[dice].

Dr. Beau and Mr. Handsome
R: touch    T: creature             D: see below

One creature the caster touches becomes sharply, stunningly beautiful.  This is no glamour, but the real deal, a restructuring of facial features, realignment of bones, and other strange things.  It gives people beautiful faces, flowing locks, shapely lips and stunning eyes; it makes them plump in all the places they want and flat in the areas they don't.

The effect lasts for a variable amount of time, depending on the amount of [dice].  If 1 [dice] was used, it lasts for 12 hours.  If 2 [dice] were used, it lasts for [dice] days.  If 3 [dice] were used, it lasts for [dice] weeks.  If four or more dice were used, it lasts for [dice] months.  

I expect you to dine
R: 50'        T: [dice] creatures        D: one action

[dice] creatures must save or be restrained.  All who the caster selects for this save receive a penalty to their save equal to [dice].  The type of restraints depend on the amount of dice used to cast the spell.

If 1 [dice] was used, handcuffs emerge from the nearest strong and ensnare the targeted creature's wrists, chaining them to that object.  If 2 [dice] were used, then chains emerge from a surface within range of the caster's choice and try to ensnare the affected, then dragging them toward that surface, till they are pinned against it.  If 3 [dice] were used, the affected creatures are trapped in a cage seemingly grown out of the same material as the walls around them or the floor they're standing on.  If 4 or more [dice] were used, then the affected creatures have chairs suddenly materialize behind them, before they are shoved into them, and ropes knot themselves around the creatures.

Orchestral Accompaniment
R: touch    T: creature            D: [dice] hours

One creature the caster touches is constantly surrounded by music, as if they are the main character in a movie, but everyone within 50' can hear the sound-track.  This music also corresponds to what they are doing- if they are fighting, dramatic music plays, if they are giving an inspiring speech, inspirational music plays, etc.

This continues for the duration, unless the caster cast this spell with 4 or more [dice], in which case the duration can be as long as the caster wants, including permanent.

Replacement Clause
R: touch    T: a creature and a body part    D: one action

The caster, upon casting this spell, may transplant any appendage or body part from one person to another.  Note that cutting will still be required and it will still be very painful, maybe even life-threatening.  This spell merely ensures the bonding of the new tissue to the original body.  The caster can use this to replace the damaged appendages or body parts of their allies with other ones.  They can also use this to attach extra body parts to someone who is perfectly healthy.  Remember, in the lands of the Handsome Men, not all mutated freaks were born that way.   

Also note that the caster can take body parts or appendages from the deceased, as long as they have been dead for less than 1 hour.

R: 50'        T: A 10*[dice]' diameter circle within range    D: one action

This spell creates a small ball of white light at a point of the caster's choosing.  Then, after a moment, that small point of light expands into a blinding dome of burning light.  All creatures within range take [sum] damage, save for half.   Any creatures killed by this spell vanish, having been utterly erased, leaving behind a little dust and nothing else.  This spell also does damage to all organic matter in its range, destroying trees, grasses, and any dead leaves left on the ground.        

R: 30'        T: [dice] creatures    D: [dice] minutes

[dice] creatures are instantly bathed in small pools of brilliant light, as if they were actors on a stage being illuminated by a phantom stage crew.  This dazzles any hit by it, utterly ruining night vision and making it very difficult to see outside the pool of light.

War Face
R: self        T: self            D: [dice] minutes

The caster transforms themselves into a freakish, monstrous version of themselves to better aid themselves in combat.  These  effects continue for the duration as passive effects.  The effects themselves depend on the number of [dice] used.

If 1 [dice] is used to cast the spell, the caster gains 1d6+[dice] FS (Fighting Spirit) and gets a bonus to STR checks, saving throws and damage equal to +[dice].  If 2 [dice] are used, the caster also gains natural weapons (horns, claws, etc) that do 1d6+STR damage.  If 3 [dice] are used, the caster also gains natural armor equal to 10+[dice].  If 4 or more [dice] are used, the caster also only takes half damage from 1 damage type of their choosing.

R: 30'        T: creature or object    D: one action

One creature or object within range is swallowed by the earth and buried 5*[dice]' underground.  Creatures that wish to may make a save to leap out of the way, but they must make their saves with a penalty equal to [dice] applies to their save.

Stage Directions
R: self        T: creature        D: [dice] minutes

The caster conjures [dice] needles connected to their fingers by glowing, ethereal thread.  Any body part that is stabbed by  one of these needles falls under the caster's direct manual control, and as an action, the caster can control any of the stabbed areas.  The needles can be thrown as throwing knives or shurikens, or used as melee weapons as daggers.

Note: It takes five needles totally control someone, 1 for each arm, 1 for each leg, and 1 for the head.  

R: touch    T: creature        D: one action

One creature the caster touches must save.  Creatures with more HD than [dice] add the difference to their save.  Creatures with HD 3x greater than [dice] are immune to this spell, and automatically pass their save, if they so choose.  On a failed save, the targeted creature is transformed into a seed.

If this seed is planted and cared for, after 1d10-[dice] years (min 1), it becomes a fruit tree that bears fruit.  These fruits are tiny half-clones of the original lifeform, their hybrid biology half-animal and half-tree.  They will bleed red sap and have wooden bones, but they will also have skin.  These half-clones will have a mixture of memories from the original creature they were cast on and from the tree that the original creature became.

For example, if the person transformed was a human racist against Dwarves, half-clones produced by his tree would dislike Dwarves and like rain and standing still in the sunlight for long periods of time.

Chaos and Corruption of the Handsome Wizard:
When you roll doubles, roll on the Chaos table.  The spell still goes through.  You receive 1d3 Doom Points.
When you roll triples, roll on the Corruption table.  The spell automatically fails.  You also receive 1d4 Doom Points.
At 10 Doom Points, you invoke the Doom of Fools.
At 20 Doom Points, you invoke the Doom of Kings.
At 30 Doom Points, you invoke the Ultimate Doom.

Chaos of the Handsome Wizard:

1- There is an explosion of glitter emanating from the Wizard, getting all over everything within 30'.
2- The Wizard loses the ability to speak anything but compliments for 1d10 minutes.
3- The Wizard starts glowing as bright as a torch for 1d10 minutes.
4- The Wizard is surrounded by music as Orchestral Accompaniment for 1d10 minutes.
5- The clothes and armor the Wizard is currently wearing disintegrate, vanishing in a shower of glowing sparks.
6- The Wizard suddenly has 3d6 adorable animals, ex: kittens, appear around them.  These animals start running around, causing trouble, and generally making a nuisance of themselves.

Corruption of the Handsome Wizard:

1- The Wizard is bathed in dazzling light that blinds them, temporarily.  This light lasts for 1d10 minutes.
2- One person within range becomes obsessed with the Handsome Wizard, as if they were affected by a permanent Charm Person spell.  They will be willing to help the Handsome Wizard, but they are also probably not to be trusted.
3- One beautiful thing nearby (Referee's choice), other than the Wizard, becomes gross and repulsive, permanently.  Hopefully you were in a field of flowers, not at a party full of the beautiful daughters of the aristocracy. 
4- 1d10 people within 100', roll randomly to determine who, have their clothing or armor disintegrate into showers of colorful sparks.
5- The Wizard starts leaving glowing footprints wherever they go for the next 1d10 minutes.  These glowing footprints last for 1d10 hours before vanishing.
6- One random person, other than the Handsome Wizard, roll to determine who, suddenly has flowers grow out of their skin all over their face and body, doing 1d6+[spell level] damage to them.

Doom of Fools- You transform into a hideous, freakish monster for 1d10 minutes.  You cannot bear to be seen like this, as it causes you great distress.  This transformation also ruins any clothing you might be wearing, along with other things, such as belts, backpacks, bags and the like.  While in this form you cannot cast spells.

Doom of Kings- As above, but the transformation lasts for 1d10 hours.  The Handsome Wizard also grows crueler, greedier, and hungrier.  He or she develop dark appetites that remain, even after he or she transform back.       

Ultimate Doom- As above, but the transformation is permanent.  Your character becomes a dangerous NPC under the control of the Referee.

This Doom can be avoided by defeating your old Master in a contest or duel, or making a pact with one of the Sovereigns of the Folk. 


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